I'd like to comment on your comment on commenting, Mary, but I am too intimated by the brilliance of what you wrote.
So, I will just quote your last paragraph:
"I also want to remind (some of) you that this is not a forum to impose your beliefs on other people. It is not a place to judge them or to force unwanted advice on them no matter how well-intentioned. Sometimes people just need to vent. Sometimes we just want to be listened to. Sometimes we just want to be supported. If you feel the need to jump in and share wisdom earned from your own perhaps similar experiences, take a beat and think it through first. If you decide to offer an opinion or an analysis and are rebuffed, don’t take it personally, rather take it as a cue that that is not what is needed. “The Good in Us” is not a place to analyze each other or to force an agenda on anyone. This is a community in which we can share only if the space to do so remains safe. And keeping it safe is up to all of us."
I’ve been a wreck and have made thoughtless comments for which I’m terribly sorry. My excuse is the pain I am dealing with and the news I received on Friday that I have cancer.
Mary, I think I will have surgery unless I learn that it would not help, for instance if it’s everywhere. It is possible that there could be something like my Stephe had that worked very well for several years. My PCP recommended continuing my exercises like the the 10,000 steps I do every day. He said that keeping active will prevent a number of problems. I’m going to do that. I have a lot of med appointments. That alone makes me feel good that I’m being checked on and treated. I’m grateful for my new MD who takes all the time his patients need. He talks with them, and he is polite. My therapist in Boston calls me and sends me books she knows I would like. One arrived today. It’s amazing how happy I was. Thanks for being here.
I’m so very sorry for your situation; may I wish you a good outcome? I was a cancer research nurse my entire career and assure you that treatment is much more effective than in prior years and less disfiguring with fewer side effects.
If you start thinking of living with cancer, it is much easier to live each day as it comes. The outcome becomes less important than living one day at a time. Yes, some will be harder than others. But you have a chance! Embrace it!
Thank you, Judith. I appreciate your telling me this very much. It really is good news regarding treatments. I will see that as a plus, and I will embrace my chance.
It's true. My family is gone. All I have are my leader of the pack cat, Fitbit aging dog I adore, and Abby the puppy sock stealer eating my precious woven cotten socks.
I’m very sorry to hear all of the hard stuff you are going through and send you healing energy and a “keep going, Queen” from Seattle. We all human up in here. Best we can do is what you did, own our humanness. Blessings to you.
You have a journey ahead Maureen, so please be kind to yourself, take the time to be, & don't worry about anything that isn't deserving of your time. I've just had my 10 years in remission consult & wish you the very best as you focus on yourself for the next few months. Wishing your the very best as you look inward.
Thank you. I'm doing my best, and I worry more about my cat Waldo and dogs Fitbit and Abby. I would like to finish a book I am writing which is a great way to focus on something else, and a dear friend of mine who is a published author is very encouraging and thinks I have an a good story going. That's my plan and hope right now.
I'm so sorry to hear, Maureen. What an incredibly rough week you're having.
Echoing what others have said: it is amazing the strides forward that cancers treatments have taken recently, especially these last few years. Hoping you're in the best of hands, and have access to everything you deserve. You're in our thoughts.
It's easy to be thrown off course from being our best selves, especially with a serious health diagnosis. Cancer is scary. The unknown is scary. You are brave and you will go through this; not around or under or over, but through and you WILL get to the other side. It seems as if you have a number of people holding you right here. I hope you can feel that.
Thank you, Robin. I'm determined to do the best I can, and there is hope. If nothing else I believe my new med peeps like their work, and are caring and pleasant. My new MD is very kind. I feel good about that. I'm trying to forgive those who wouldn't tell me what they, at the very least were concerned. They are hard for me to forgive and down played everything to the point that I had no idea they knew or believed I have cancer.
Hope. Hope is strong medicine. Some of the strongest. Especially in combination with what scientific medicine has to offer. Believe into the possibility of transformation. You can. You will. You are. Already.
Sending all good wishes to you, Maureen. I'm incredibly sorry. I, too, went through a similar situation (with no warning); it's awful dealing with this news. It's impossible to think of anything else or contain the associated anxiety. Please try to look after yourself, and not second guess anything. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Oh Maureen--please take good, gentle care of yourself--treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend in the same situation. Holding good thoughts for you.
Dealing with pain and uncertainty news will throw me into insanity. We are all human with human flaws, but we are also resilient in processing our feelings. You are okay to use your voice in painful situations.
Well said. Cruelty doesn't achieve anything except itself. Never a justifiable way to make a point.
(Also, I always feel very comfortable commenting because I know absolutely nothing at all, and everyone knows it. And I don't have beliefs, because that would involve knowing something, and I'll never disagree with anyone for the same reason. I do have an agenda, but it's completely empty. As is my head. Thanks.)
When will you begin your campaign for the state house? You sound at least as qualified as the average candidate since the beginning of the1920s. Rarely for candidates of both major parties at once, but they do meet each other halfway occasionally. 😁
Here in Britain we have positions in small communities for resident V. I. Ps (Village Idiot Persons). Many great opportunities for people who know nothing about anything!
Sadly, I failed the interview by having the presence of mind to turn up for it.
I was going to say you’re way better than the average politician because you’re willing to admit you don’t know everything. Thanks for the injection of dry British Wit 😂
Well, considering the past few years, that probably makes you the most qualified person in the UK for the position of Prime Minister; assuming that Downing Street's celebrity cat doesn't lower his standards and take the position the next time it is vacant. 🤔
Oh, I've already been Prime Minister three times this year! We're all getting a turn at it, as you probably saw on the news. Not for very long, of course: in my last term at no. 10 Downing Street, I only got 5 paces down the hallway before I was told I'd been replaced. I remember the days where you measured British Prime Ministers with lettuces - now it's less than a mayfly. But, I serve my country in any way I can, Douglass.
Mike Sowden; I confess. You’ve caught me writing away without researching the source or paying attention to posts already served up! You’re certainly no idiot. BRITISH WIT is a treasure and I fully embrace it. 😂🤣 I note that you have a Substack of your own. Perhaps I should read some of your work; I’d bet dollars to doughnuts I’d share some giggles. Excuse “my idiot” comment. My only excuse if you will forgive me is a shocking telephone call that came in while I was reading; very distracting especially since this is my tool to focus. Have a great day! 🧐
No, I'm *definitely* an idiot. Just ask my accountant! 😁
(Also, British wit is a lie. All our favourite sitcoms over here are American exports - we can't even make people laugh properly anymore! Unless they're laughing *at* us, of course. We're pretty special in that regard at the moment, with Brexit, the revolving door filled with Prime Ministers and so on...)
Can’t help but love you, Mike! Momentarily forgot the revolving door at #10 Downing Street! Brexit, No Brexit, Brexit with conditions? It’s a conundrum! We have our “balloon” episodes. 😘
Thank you for your comment on commenting. People do need to think things through and you don't always have to comment when you disagree with someone else.
I’ve seen quite a bit of opinions here some of which concern me For a while now I have taken a break from Twitter and decided that a deep dive into educating myself along with traveling to visit friends family and of course my work has payed dividends I’ve learned that through listening to others is all one can do in this time that some people are beyond the point of no return that it isn’t okay to be loud toxic and mean A lot of people I’ve come in contact with in my daily travels and social interactions don’t even realize the bias that shows in their comments So I try not to take it personal and say to myself your trying to hard even at just wanting to find new possibilities or meaningful ways to form new acquaintances now more than ever I am reticent However I am hopeful I’m always hopeful What all this boils down to for me is everyday life how get on in our day to day how we choose who we choose and what lesson we learn At some point in each of our lives what matters most is how we treat each other This has been a deeply moving time in my life for I have won then lost and found self care self control therapy and healing I’m no longer offended by people who say to me what do you do as to take measures of my life my work in comparison to theirs I’m me and you are you if we find ourselves on a happy medium then that’s a good place . That’s where we find The Good in Us
Mary, I am so grateful for your insight and common sense, as well as that of the Nerd Avengers. Such a great group of intelligent people who know what they are talking about. The only good thing to come out of your uncle’s attempted takeover of all we hold dear is that we get your wisdom and humanity.
I find it supremely interesting, that the writers who are currently shaping public square discourse, are women..... Beautifully strong, rapier sharp intellect & cellular level kindness. Joyce Vance, Roxane Gay, E. Jean & of course, Mary. I am soooo grateful that it is their voices I hear each day, with gentle reminders, that first & foremost, we are human beings, sharing a common experience, in an intimate space. With gratitude.
Oh yes, I love her posts and the term “civil discourse” has embedded itself into my thinking as something we so desperately need in our nation today. Simple, descriptive, and apparent in the articles I read on Substack.
I agree with the civility of discourses in the substacks. As I write this, I realize how the various people's letters to which I subscribe are HOW I'VE STAYED SANE!!! I love Mary Trump. I'll always remember the first time I saw her on the news. I felt such a sense of relief to hear her tell the truth about her extremely disturbed family. A thousand kudos to her for all of the work she's done -- and now helps many, many others to do -- to get herself in a good place emotionally and spiritually. Love you, Mary!
Agree, Ronda, and thank you Mary. I haven't visited the comments for a bit but when I had previously, the respect and thoughtfulness was there and I appreciated it very much. I hope Mary's words will keep us on point because it's a rare and lovely thing. We can glean "agendas," and receive unsolicited advice anywhere else. But I believe we are capable of "reading the room," by taking a moment as we sit with our keyboards to really "listen" as we read, before commenting or not commenting at all, and I hope we will appreciate the benefits for ourselves and others in doing likewise.
Hello Maureen I want to send you positive vibes for healing and well wishes for you I’ve always enjoy our conversations here from day one No need to apologize
Now that I've met my new doctor I feel he will be good for me, even if things don't go too right. His immediate response was to ask me all about it and to explain what he will be looking for, what my history is, etc. He talks with his patient, and he is not in a hurry. Thanks everyone for your comments. It really helped.
Thank you Mary. As always, you are attuned to the value of dialogic encounter and its tremendous potential to create positive change. Thank you for bringing up this important issue regarding the content and tone of comments. Without basic civility no meaningful exchange of ideas is possible. And yes, this is a communal forum where we gather to find the best of ourselves. I want to commend you for embodying courage in a way one rarely sees today. My heartfelt gratitude for all that you do, and for the guests you bring to us. It renews the greatest resource we have in these surreal times : the activism of hope which is a powerful form of resistance.
Thank you for your important reminders. I appreciate what you said about waiting a beat before barging in and sharing similar experiences, without considering that sometimes people just need to vent. This is something that I personally work on; being present and listening rather than jumping in, and possibly making it about me. Thank you for your insights; I always come away from reading or listening to you feeling better, and a little bit smarter. Very grateful.
I'd like to comment on your comment on commenting, Mary, but I am too intimated by the brilliance of what you wrote.
So, I will just quote your last paragraph:
"I also want to remind (some of) you that this is not a forum to impose your beliefs on other people. It is not a place to judge them or to force unwanted advice on them no matter how well-intentioned. Sometimes people just need to vent. Sometimes we just want to be listened to. Sometimes we just want to be supported. If you feel the need to jump in and share wisdom earned from your own perhaps similar experiences, take a beat and think it through first. If you decide to offer an opinion or an analysis and are rebuffed, don’t take it personally, rather take it as a cue that that is not what is needed. “The Good in Us” is not a place to analyze each other or to force an agenda on anyone. This is a community in which we can share only if the space to do so remains safe. And keeping it safe is up to all of us."
Yes I’m intimidated by her brilliance too... and that’s exactly why I read and watch and listen to all she has to say 😀😍
E. Jean Carroll... thank you.
I’ve been a wreck and have made thoughtless comments for which I’m terribly sorry. My excuse is the pain I am dealing with and the news I received on Friday that I have cancer.
Maureen, you have nothing for which to apologize. Please take care of yourself. We are here for you.
Thank you, Mary.
I'm okay now. New MD. No surgery needed.
Mary, I think I will have surgery unless I learn that it would not help, for instance if it’s everywhere. It is possible that there could be something like my Stephe had that worked very well for several years. My PCP recommended continuing my exercises like the the 10,000 steps I do every day. He said that keeping active will prevent a number of problems. I’m going to do that. I have a lot of med appointments. That alone makes me feel good that I’m being checked on and treated. I’m grateful for my new MD who takes all the time his patients need. He talks with them, and he is polite. My therapist in Boston calls me and sends me books she knows I would like. One arrived today. It’s amazing how happy I was. Thanks for being here.
Mary, I copied this thought from you to keep where I can easily see it and pull myself upright again.
I’m so very sorry for your situation; may I wish you a good outcome? I was a cancer research nurse my entire career and assure you that treatment is much more effective than in prior years and less disfiguring with fewer side effects.
If you start thinking of living with cancer, it is much easier to live each day as it comes. The outcome becomes less important than living one day at a time. Yes, some will be harder than others. But you have a chance! Embrace it!
Thank you, Judith. I appreciate your telling me this very much. It really is good news regarding treatments. I will see that as a plus, and I will embrace my chance.
You know I worry more about Waldo 🐈 Fitbit🐕 and Abby.🐶
Not long after posting this I learned that my beautiful cat Waldo had been killed by someone who entered my back gate.
It's true. My family is gone. All I have are my leader of the pack cat, Fitbit aging dog I adore, and Abby the puppy sock stealer eating my precious woven cotten socks.
See above Mar 2.
I’m very sorry to hear all of the hard stuff you are going through and send you healing energy and a “keep going, Queen” from Seattle. We all human up in here. Best we can do is what you did, own our humanness. Blessings to you.
Thank you, Sydney.
So very sorry to hear this, Maureen. Will be thinking about you.
Thank you, Ronda.
You have a journey ahead Maureen, so please be kind to yourself, take the time to be, & don't worry about anything that isn't deserving of your time. I've just had my 10 years in remission consult & wish you the very best as you focus on yourself for the next few months. Wishing your the very best as you look inward.
Thank you. I'm doing my best, and I worry more about my cat Waldo and dogs Fitbit and Abby. I would like to finish a book I am writing which is a great way to focus on something else, and a dear friend of mine who is a published author is very encouraging and thinks I have an a good story going. That's my plan and hope right now.
I'm so sorry to hear, Maureen. What an incredibly rough week you're having.
Echoing what others have said: it is amazing the strides forward that cancers treatments have taken recently, especially these last few years. Hoping you're in the best of hands, and have access to everything you deserve. You're in our thoughts.
Thank you, Mike.
It's easy to be thrown off course from being our best selves, especially with a serious health diagnosis. Cancer is scary. The unknown is scary. You are brave and you will go through this; not around or under or over, but through and you WILL get to the other side. It seems as if you have a number of people holding you right here. I hope you can feel that.
Thank you, Robin. I'm determined to do the best I can, and there is hope. If nothing else I believe my new med peeps like their work, and are caring and pleasant. My new MD is very kind. I feel good about that. I'm trying to forgive those who wouldn't tell me what they, at the very least were concerned. They are hard for me to forgive and down played everything to the point that I had no idea they knew or believed I have cancer.
Hope. Hope is strong medicine. Some of the strongest. Especially in combination with what scientific medicine has to offer. Believe into the possibility of transformation. You can. You will. You are. Already.
Thank you.
Sending all good wishes to you, Maureen. I'm incredibly sorry. I, too, went through a similar situation (with no warning); it's awful dealing with this news. It's impossible to think of anything else or contain the associated anxiety. Please try to look after yourself, and not second guess anything. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Thank you, Jonji.
Oh Maureen--please take good, gentle care of yourself--treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend in the same situation. Holding good thoughts for you.
Thank you, Jennifer.
Wishing you all the best Maureen. Although we are a virtual community, we are all by your side.
Thank you, Gary.
Oh my goodness, Maureen, I'm so sorry. Take care. :-(
Thank you, Jeanne.
Dealing with pain and uncertainty news will throw me into insanity. We are all human with human flaws, but we are also resilient in processing our feelings. You are okay to use your voice in painful situations.
Thank you, Brenda.
Well said. Cruelty doesn't achieve anything except itself. Never a justifiable way to make a point.
(Also, I always feel very comfortable commenting because I know absolutely nothing at all, and everyone knows it. And I don't have beliefs, because that would involve knowing something, and I'll never disagree with anyone for the same reason. I do have an agenda, but it's completely empty. As is my head. Thanks.)
When will you begin your campaign for the state house? You sound at least as qualified as the average candidate since the beginning of the1920s. Rarely for candidates of both major parties at once, but they do meet each other halfway occasionally. 😁
Alas, I'm elsewhere in the world!
Here in Britain we have positions in small communities for resident V. I. Ps (Village Idiot Persons). Many great opportunities for people who know nothing about anything!
Sadly, I failed the interview by having the presence of mind to turn up for it.
I was going to say you’re way better than the average politician because you’re willing to admit you don’t know everything. Thanks for the injection of dry British Wit 😂
Well, considering the past few years, that probably makes you the most qualified person in the UK for the position of Prime Minister; assuming that Downing Street's celebrity cat doesn't lower his standards and take the position the next time it is vacant. 🤔
Oh, I've already been Prime Minister three times this year! We're all getting a turn at it, as you probably saw on the news. Not for very long, of course: in my last term at no. 10 Downing Street, I only got 5 paces down the hallway before I was told I'd been replaced. I remember the days where you measured British Prime Ministers with lettuces - now it's less than a mayfly. But, I serve my country in any way I can, Douglass.
😂😂😂
That's very kind of you, Judith. :) Thank you.
Mike Sowden; I confess. You’ve caught me writing away without researching the source or paying attention to posts already served up! You’re certainly no idiot. BRITISH WIT is a treasure and I fully embrace it. 😂🤣 I note that you have a Substack of your own. Perhaps I should read some of your work; I’d bet dollars to doughnuts I’d share some giggles. Excuse “my idiot” comment. My only excuse if you will forgive me is a shocking telephone call that came in while I was reading; very distracting especially since this is my tool to focus. Have a great day! 🧐
No, I'm *definitely* an idiot. Just ask my accountant! 😁
(Also, British wit is a lie. All our favourite sitcoms over here are American exports - we can't even make people laugh properly anymore! Unless they're laughing *at* us, of course. We're pretty special in that regard at the moment, with Brexit, the revolving door filled with Prime Ministers and so on...)
Hope you're having a good day too, Judith!
Can’t help but love you, Mike! Momentarily forgot the revolving door at #10 Downing Street! Brexit, No Brexit, Brexit with conditions? It’s a conundrum! We have our “balloon” episodes. 😘
A safe space to comment is much appreciated! Thank you!
Thank you for your comment on commenting. People do need to think things through and you don't always have to comment when you disagree with someone else.
My motto is “Be the person/friend you would want to have show up in your life at any given point.”
Happy or sad, we all need grace and a shoulder to cry on...
I’ve seen quite a bit of opinions here some of which concern me For a while now I have taken a break from Twitter and decided that a deep dive into educating myself along with traveling to visit friends family and of course my work has payed dividends I’ve learned that through listening to others is all one can do in this time that some people are beyond the point of no return that it isn’t okay to be loud toxic and mean A lot of people I’ve come in contact with in my daily travels and social interactions don’t even realize the bias that shows in their comments So I try not to take it personal and say to myself your trying to hard even at just wanting to find new possibilities or meaningful ways to form new acquaintances now more than ever I am reticent However I am hopeful I’m always hopeful What all this boils down to for me is everyday life how get on in our day to day how we choose who we choose and what lesson we learn At some point in each of our lives what matters most is how we treat each other This has been a deeply moving time in my life for I have won then lost and found self care self control therapy and healing I’m no longer offended by people who say to me what do you do as to take measures of my life my work in comparison to theirs I’m me and you are you if we find ourselves on a happy medium then that’s a good place . That’s where we find The Good in Us
Mary, I am so grateful for your insight and common sense, as well as that of the Nerd Avengers. Such a great group of intelligent people who know what they are talking about. The only good thing to come out of your uncle’s attempted takeover of all we hold dear is that we get your wisdom and humanity.
Tru dat!
I find it supremely interesting, that the writers who are currently shaping public square discourse, are women..... Beautifully strong, rapier sharp intellect & cellular level kindness. Joyce Vance, Roxane Gay, E. Jean & of course, Mary. I am soooo grateful that it is their voices I hear each day, with gentle reminders, that first & foremost, we are human beings, sharing a common experience, in an intimate space. With gratitude.
I’d add Heather Cox Richardson to that list as well. I read her newsletter every day too!
Me too. HCR is clear and calming.
Why, thank you, A Ellis-Dunn!
Joyce, Roxane, and our dear Mary are brilliant! And, you just made my day!!
Love the title and the reminder to think before we type! CIVIL DISCOURSE ONLY.
I think you may be aware that wonderful attorney, Joyce Vance's letter is entitled "Civil Discourse"?
Oh yes, I love her posts and the term “civil discourse” has embedded itself into my thinking as something we so desperately need in our nation today. Simple, descriptive, and apparent in the articles I read on Substack.
I agree with the civility of discourses in the substacks. As I write this, I realize how the various people's letters to which I subscribe are HOW I'VE STAYED SANE!!! I love Mary Trump. I'll always remember the first time I saw her on the news. I felt such a sense of relief to hear her tell the truth about her extremely disturbed family. A thousand kudos to her for all of the work she's done -- and now helps many, many others to do -- to get herself in a good place emotionally and spiritually. Love you, Mary!
Thanks, Mary. Appreciate your thoughtfulness on keeping this a respectful space. Have a good night.
Agree, Ronda, and thank you Mary. I haven't visited the comments for a bit but when I had previously, the respect and thoughtfulness was there and I appreciated it very much. I hope Mary's words will keep us on point because it's a rare and lovely thing. We can glean "agendas," and receive unsolicited advice anywhere else. But I believe we are capable of "reading the room," by taking a moment as we sit with our keyboards to really "listen" as we read, before commenting or not commenting at all, and I hope we will appreciate the benefits for ourselves and others in doing likewise.
Hello Maureen I want to send you positive vibes for healing and well wishes for you I’ve always enjoy our conversations here from day one No need to apologize
Thank you, Mary. Take Care. 💙
Now that I've met my new doctor I feel he will be good for me, even if things don't go too right. His immediate response was to ask me all about it and to explain what he will be looking for, what my history is, etc. He talks with his patient, and he is not in a hurry. Thanks everyone for your comments. It really helped.
Thank you Mary. As always, you are attuned to the value of dialogic encounter and its tremendous potential to create positive change. Thank you for bringing up this important issue regarding the content and tone of comments. Without basic civility no meaningful exchange of ideas is possible. And yes, this is a communal forum where we gather to find the best of ourselves. I want to commend you for embodying courage in a way one rarely sees today. My heartfelt gratitude for all that you do, and for the guests you bring to us. It renews the greatest resource we have in these surreal times : the activism of hope which is a powerful form of resistance.
Thank you for your important reminders. I appreciate what you said about waiting a beat before barging in and sharing similar experiences, without considering that sometimes people just need to vent. This is something that I personally work on; being present and listening rather than jumping in, and possibly making it about me. Thank you for your insights; I always come away from reading or listening to you feeling better, and a little bit smarter. Very grateful.