Rules of Engagement

A comment on commenting

Nauset Beach, Orleans, MA

I read every single one of your comments. I’d like to respond to them but because they are thoughtful, often fascinating, and, on average, quite long—doing them justice would, unfortunately, take more time than I have. Because you are all welcome to disagree with me and each other and you are welcome to be critical as long as the disagreements and critiques are respectful, I rarely delete comments. I do draw the line at rudeness or gratuitous cruelty. If anyone wants to treat me or my work badly you are welcome to do so over on Twitter. If you feel the need to treat a fellow commenter at The Good in Us badly, don’t. This advice applies to a vanishingly small number of people. The vast majority of you, your comments, and your responses to and interactions with each other are genuinely thoughtful, thought-provoking, and generous. You have created a community here at The Good in Us that I value more than I can say. I am grateful to every single one of you for playing a role in creating it.

I also want to remind (some of) you that this is not a forum to impose your beliefs on other people. It is not a place to judge them or to force unwanted advice on them no matter how well-intentioned. Sometimes people just need to vent. Sometimes we just want to be listened to. Sometimes we just want to be supported. If you feel the need to jump in and share wisdom earned from your own perhaps similar experiences, take a beat and think it through first. If you decide to offer an opinion or an analysis and are rebuffed, don’t take it personally, rather take it as a cue that that is not what is needed. “The Good in Us” is not a place to analyze each other or to force an agenda on anyone. This is a community in which we can share only if the space to do so remains safe. And keeping it safe is up to all of us.