The Non-Fungible Grift

Morning Dispatch

Always read the fine print.

Donald is not a builder—he has, in fact, created very few things in his life, unless you count the smoke and mirrors. Since he’s been unemployed over three years, he’s spent the bulk of his time playing and cheating at golf; but he’s also spent a considerable amount on his lucrative side-hustle: grifting his followers.

Sometimes the grift comes in the form of asking for campaign contributions that go to fund his legal expenses and not his campaign. Sometimes he hawks cheap products somebody pays him to slap his name on. In the last year alone we’ve gotten gold sneakers, non-fungible trading cards, bibles, and, most recently, watches.

Donald long ago learned that there’s no risk in selling his name—he gets paid up front, does a sales pitch, and cashes his check.

The new watches sell for anywhere from $499 to $100,000 (not a typo). The FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT collection (who among us hasn’t tried to raise money off of an assassination attempt in which people were actually killed?) includes a stainless-steel watch with a blood-red dial. The Victory Tourbillon comes in 18k yellow or rose gold and costs more than the average American makes in two years.

According to the small print, the watches are not “designed, manufactured, distributed, or sold” by Trump or the Trump Organization. The company that makes them is actually TheBestWatchesonEarth LLC, which uses the Trump name, image, and likeness “under a paid license agreement.”

The terms and conditions are fairly alarming:

• The images shown are for illustration purposes only and may not be an exact representation of the product

• The applicable warranty does not cover the following: - Case, crystal, strap and buckle or bracelet, stem or crown [What exactly does it cover?]

• This is a pre-order. Shipping is estimated to start in October/November/December 2024 and cannot be guaranteed. The company is not liable for any delays in shipments. And, they repeat, they cannot guarantee when an order will arrive.

This is the caveat that really got my attention: “Trump Watches are intended as collectible items for individual enjoyment only, not for investment purposes.” From what I can gather from those who have reviewed the watches’ specs, this suggests that the Tourbillon in particular isn’t worth anywhere near what it’s being sold for.

In a slimy video that would be stunning in its ridiculousness coming from any other presidential candidate, Donald tells us the $100,000 watch is made with almost 200 grams of gold and “more than 100 real diamonds. That’s a lot of diamonds. I love gold. I love diamonds. We all do.”

Jesus.

There are much, much worse things about Donald Trump than his shameless hucksterism, but leveraging the presidency in this way is truly grotesque. Despite the fact that we’ve learned to expect nothing, it’s still shocking that corporate media considers that this ugly aspect of a presidential candidate is something we all should ignore—or accept.

Also, be forewarned:

All sales are final.