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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thanks for this, Mary. I lost my husband a few days ago so, in his honor, I am committing myself to working every single day until next year's election to prevent the collapse of this democracy, one which our families came to from Europe to make sure they had freedom of/from religion, of speech, to purchase land, start a business and go to school.

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Gayle E's avatar

I'm very sorry for your loss. My husband is in hospice & I'm feeling so much grief right now. My sincere condolences to you.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

GE, I can feel your pain. My husband was in hospice for about three days, although he had been sick for several years. I won't go into all the details tonight, but I had to coordinate with the nursing home to act as a hospice in order to make sure he had the easiest death possible. Family was flying in from California and others arrived from New York, so I wanted to make sure he lived long for them to see him (even though he was in a coma) when he was not in any distress. Nurses had to change the plan of care a few times, but they made it work. Everyone got to say their goodbyes and he got to slip out quietly in a warm and loving environment. I sincerely hope it works out as well for you and your husband. It's never easy but it's easier when you know your loved one is feeling no pain. I hope this helps. Maybe we can talk more tomorrow.

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Lisa P. Singer's avatar

Paula, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. May his memory be for a blessing. I wish you strength and hope and healing during this difficult time.

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Michael Heyerman's avatar

I am also recently widowed (August), so I know how brave a commitment this is. You are very strong. I was lucky if I could get off the couch

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thanks for your comment, Margaret. I thought I responded to your comment earlier but it looks like I didn't. Sorry. I know exactly what you mean. I can't seem to get anything accomplished. I only get off the couch to go online or eat. I'm also pretty spacey, but think all of this will iron out over time. The thing about being strong is it backfires. I am usually strong because I have to be but I don't always want to be. Sometimes I would really like people to offer to help, and this is one of those times. Thanks, again.

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Lisa P. Singer's avatar

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you can grow from strength to strength as you heal during this difficult time.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you, Lisa. My husband was sick for quite a while so I've been dealing with both death and healing over time. In the long run, I think it might be easier this way.

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Lisa P. Singer's avatar

Having experienced the sudden goodbyes and the long goodbyes many times I will take the long goodbye anytime. As terrible as that sounds. Rest. Relax. Rejuvenate. You deserve it. All the best.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thanks again. This place makes me feel like I'm on vacation, in a very literate and empathic community. Maybe on a beach in Brittany.

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Lisa P. Singer's avatar

тАЬThe song is ended but the melody lingers on.тАЭ

Irving Berlin

Go to France for sure to heal and hope for the strength for another day.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

That's part of my plan but it's going to be months before I am ready to do it.

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Lisa P. Singer's avatar

Always so important to have something to look forward to. Pulls you along like a wave in the ocean during the difficult days.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Exactly.

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Elaine H's avatar

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. тЭдя╕П

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you, Elaine.

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Pamela Tracey's avatar

Paula, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My hope is that you have loved ones near who will support you through your grief. Please be kind to yourself as best you can. Sending up a prayer for you.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Nobody near but I've been well-supported this week by calls from family and old friends. I'm taking naps, eating ice cream and giving up worrying about dumb things. So far, so good. He died on Thursday, so I'm still a bit raw.

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Katharine Hill's avatar

Your sad news has inspired so many lovely messages for you Paula. One day at a time, my dear. Peace and love from Connecticut.

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Dennis Jones's avatar

My condolences, Paula

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you, Dennis.

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mahesh pherwani's avatar

Oh, I am sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and family. Good vibrations from London ЁЯМЮЁЯМ╗ЁЯЩПЁЯЩПЁЯзШЁЯММ

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you so much.

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Pamela Tracey's avatar

Of course you feel that way. Please give yourself time. In my experience, grief comes in waves and tends to ebb and flow. Unpredictable. Stock up on the ice cream, that will help! Sending hugs to you Paula dear.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thanks! I'll do exactly that. I'm in western Massachusetts, by the way, near the colleges but in a small city almost on the Vermont border.

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Pamela Tracey's avatar

Oh I hope you are having a beautiful fall season there! Being out in nature on a nice day can help lift one's spirits too.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Yes, we've had a few good days, but it's been wetter than usual so the colors are not as sharp as usual. I need to get out and soak up the sun more. Just haven't been able to do it with all that's been going on leading up to this week. But will get outside, eventually!

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Nov 5, 2023
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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you, Lawrence. You've given me a lot to think about.

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Gayle E's avatar

Beautiful thought and comment.

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Elizabeth Ellis's avatar

So sorry for your loss PaulaЁЯШФ

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thanks, Elizabeth.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you. We had 21 wonderful years together, so I will have almost nothing but good memories.

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Ronda C.'s avatar

What a blessing. Wishing you peace and comfort in your memories of him.

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you.

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Bobbi's avatar

So sorry for the loss of your husband

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Paula Behnken's avatar

Thank you, Bobbi.

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