Let's Turn the Page, Shall We

Also, Happy New Year's Eve

Back in September, Donald said in an interview with Hugh Hewitt that there would be a “big problem” if he were indicted. It was a threat, of course. He was implying that his followers would commit political violence if he faces justice for just one of the many crimes he’s committed, allegedly and otherwise. And he was at least partially right—there will be big problems if he’s indicted—for him.

I said at the time that the real problem is that America will run out of beer. I’m not sure why I didn’t say Champagne but the truth of the matter is, if Donald is held accountable to even the slightest degree, this country is going to run out of everything.

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In an exquisite chef’s kiss to end what has not been the easiest year, Greta Thunberg proved definitively—on Twitter, no less (which is its own kind of poetic justice)—that sometimes the best way to undermine, fatally, the toxic masculinity embodied and monetized by over-compensating pond scum like Andrew Tate is not to ignore it but to mock it.

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com

Andrew Tate @Cobratate

Hello @GretaThunberg I have 33 cars. My Bugatti has a w16 8.0L quad turbo. My TWO Ferrari 812 competizione have 6.5L v12s. This is just the start. Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions. https://t.co/ehhOBDQyYU

Because the thin-skinned megalomaniac has the impulse control of a toddler, he made a video in which, for some reason, he used “non-recyclable pizza boxes” as a prop, all while proving the reality of the Dunning-Kruger Effect and confirming Greta’s point about his #smalldickenergy. Shortly after Tate posted the video, Romanian law enforcement arrested him at his house, handcuffed him, and threw him in prison on charges of rape and human trafficking. There was some speculation that Romanian authorities discovered Tate’s presence in the country because of the brand name on the pizza boxes. It turns out this is apocryphal but a small window of opportunity was created in which Greta could get in one more dig, (which he probably won’t be able to read from his prison cell):

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

Something tells me that Greta will be having a better New Year’s Eve than Tater Tot, this pathologically insecure abuser of women—

—unless, contrary to expectation, Romanian prisons are better than one imagines.

Stay safe out there tonight!