I’ve suffered my fair share of tragedies, but these were personal (except for the 2016 election which was personal and so much more). March and April 2020 (which, as a New Yorker, were the two worst months of my life) were terrifying, apocalyptic, and deeply weird all at once. An experience nothing had prepared me for.
Credit, Igor Tsipenzon
At the end of 2020, which was redeemed by Biden’s victory and game-changing COVID vaccines, I promised my daughter that in 2021 we would celebrate everything with twice the intensity and two-times longer than we normally would. Obviously, that didn’t happen.
We are now finally at the end of what I can honestly say is the worst year I’ve ever lived through as an adult.
Set into motion by an armed insurrection against our government, it feels like 2021 was (almost) all downhill from there. The third and fourth waves of COVID tossed us about, it became impossible to get into any kind of rhythm; time continued not to behave properly, and the isolation from friends never really stopped.
There were bright spots to be sure—almost nobody I’m close with got COVID or died from COVID; I wrote a book; I moved back into the city after 25 years away; and, the thing for which I’m most profoundly grateful, my daughter made it safely through the most complicated year that could be foisted upon a twenty year old.
So good riddance to 2021. All I have to say to 2022 is, “Be better.”
I’d really love to hear from all of you on this one:
What is a truly good thing that happened to you in 2021—despite everything?
What does it say that nothing immediately jumped to mind? Well, I did not start drinking again (I had quit in May 2020), so that's a huge good thing. But I guess the high point was that I got to work all year as a vaccinator, making sure people were safe from this horrible virus. I've vaccinated in large scale clinics, in people's homes and cars, in tents, in churches—anywhere I could talk someone into letting me vaccinate them. I've vaccinated people aged 5 to 102!
The respect I have for people who were already in recovery when COVID struck and managed to stay sober during COVID is hard to describe. and vaccinating people on top of that? Amazing. Thank you.
Hi Kristi! Great job with not drinking again. It's a great thing! I quit in '91 but went back to it almost immediately. I quit for good in '93 and I made it the second time because I think I was better prepared mentally for it. What definitely helped was never putting myself in situations where I'd risk starting up again. I lost all my old friends who simply wouldn't accept that I didn't want to party with them anymore. That part was tough but in the end they were no loss at all. I truly love being alcohol free. Hang in there... it's worth it and you can do it! 👍🙂👍
Thanks, Greg. I too had tried before, but feel confident that I've made it this time. It's a great feeling! I've definitely been tested (ongoing family crisis during which going to the liquor store did cross my mind). I quit smoking over 30 years ago, but quitting vodka was harder!
It's awesome to hear you say that Kristi! I'm certainly no expert, but when I felt that 'confidence that I've made it', I sort of knew that I had. Sounds like you've reached that point and beyond! As the Aussies often say, 'Good on 'ya, Mate!!'😊Way to go. Alcoholism runs in my family on my father's side... I knew where I was heading. I quit before I destroyed any lives. So thankful. Keep it going Kristi!!👍👍
(I say your name 3 times and click my heels to bring the blessings of the gods upon you and your readers!) And I just wanted to say, that when you move to New York, Woman, you move in BIG! A great Book! A scintIllating pod cast! A brilliant Substack!
OMG! Yes! Click. Click. Click... We need to turn the word/name into a positive. I've been tossing around Trumpalina! Or how about Trumpalovingus? Or remember that old Monkees song... Mary, Mary, where you goin' to? 🎶🎶 Mary, Mary, where you trumpin' to? Mary, Mary, can we trump too! 🎶🎶
I rarely comment online but wanted to share my personal 2021 experience, hoping to inspire others who are struggling, encouraging everyone reading this to keep on hanging in there, despite whatever life is currently throwing at you.
I’ve been mostly bedridden after breaking my back on January 12th, 3 spinal fractures in all. I’ve lost count of hospitalizations, procedures, surgeries, etc.
Still can’t stand or walk on my own, but am aware of slow progress.
Also, for first 7 months of this year, I was legally blind, fast-growing cataracts now removed, tho even those surgeries had to be done under general anesthesia because of broken back.The good news from that: I can read my Christmas books now and see movies clearly!
I've walked through spiritual fire this year and feel transformed by countless dark days/nights of the soul tho I'm still figuring out what that means. Thus far, focusing on just being a jumper-cable for joy and helping/giving/loving as I can feels really good. In this tech age, so much of that can be done from wherever we are. Even our rehabilitation-recliners. Aho. :^)
Hope still floats and the Light still shines.
And, it always will.
Trust that as an inner promise that you secretly make to yourself.
May the New Year Bring the Peace and Healing We All Seek.
Keep up the great work, Mary...Thank You for being a "jumper-cable" for Truth!
Thank you, Sandy, for sharing. That is an extraordinary amount of hardship for one year and I'm grateful you got through it all and are here to share your story. I love the jumper cable analogy. Happy New Year. Let's make sure 2022 is better.
Yes, the hits just kept coming. At 71, I’ve been in recovery from alcoholism for 12 years. I didn’t slip in 2020 or 2021, so I win, in spite of the waves of depression and loneliness that assailed. Just as we started putting things back together, another wave would hit, including my oldest granddaughter being diagnosed with glioblastoma. We persevere. Give it your best shot, 2022!😬
Staying sober is an extraordinary accomplishment under the best of circumstances so to manage it during COVID is amazing. I am so deeply sorry about your granddaughter's diagnosis. I hope she recovers fully. 2022 needs to be better and we have to do everything we can to make it better. Thank you for being here.
My brother had it years ago but now there are good treatments. I know someone who had 3 gbs and today is leading a happy life. Hr was treated at Duke in NC.
As the daughter of 4 + Virginia and North Carolina dynasties, alcoholism was all around me, including a " there but not there" mother. whrn I became a single parent, I decided all alcohol was off the menu and now I keep forgetting there is an unopened bottle of white somewhere in my kitchen. And I never missed it. ( Before I made that decision, almost all poor decisions were made after a drink. There is a reason guys buy you drinks, dear hearts).
In November, I adopted Annie, my loving, loyal, 8-year-old yellow Labrador retriever. She takes me on walks and adventures several times a day, every day and—most important—at my leisurely 74-year-old pace! We rescued each other in what was yet another year of isolation for elders (and others, obviously).
That's wonderful and you two are lucky to have found each other. I got rescued by a four-month-old kitten a couple of weeks ago so I can completely relate to the sense of gratitude.
We bought a condo we could afford with a view of Lake Michigan in Racine WI and are renovating it for our retirement in 2022. I'm taking my redundant Blue vote from Illinois to where it will matter. Already contributed to the (D) Lt. Gov who will challenge the moronic Ron Johnson for the Senate!
For ten years after my husband's death, I struggled to confront the impact of the financial and emotional abuse I suffered throughout my 25 year marriage. I was about to finally leave him when he was diagnosed with cancer and expected to live for just months. After his death, I had to deal with the mess I was left with on top of raising our 13yr old twins. It was only when I wrote a memoir to untangle the emotional upheaval that I finally stopped having nightmares about him and could move forward. This past April, my memoir (Our Better Selves: From Secrets and Lies to Healing and Forgiveness) was published and the response has been so up-lifting. So many women have experienced similar things and have no way to express their emotions or think they're the only one. Talking about it to others has helped us heal. But equally important, the book opens the door for discussions about the connection between domestic and financial abuse. This may seem like a leap, but the whole experience had me thinking about the ways our gov't uses many of the same tactics to thwart equality for women. Because legislation is now so influenced by money in politics, laws and rules are crafted in ways that keep women from having an equal say. An example of this would be all the money that was raised to get Amy Coney Barrett on the Supreme Court and now abortion rights are now tenuous at best. Republicans refuse to address issues that impact women the most like child care, paid family leave and universal pre-K. And, we still make less money than men for the same work. These are the ways finances are used against women and we are just waking up to the connection. I am so grateful for women like you Mary Trump! You get it! I am thankful you write about your own experiences even though I'm sure it's often painful. We need more voices like yours to help others connect the dots to what is happening around us. Thank you Mary for giving us a voice and help us see the Good in Us.
Thank you, Kasey. That is very kind. It's wonderful you were able to turn your abusive marriage into a positive experience--both for you and others. That takes a lot fo courage. I think the connection you make is a valid one. I'm glad you get it, too.
Thank you, Mary. Your work and words come at a time women need them most. I'm very thankful for things to read that offer wisdom and, most of all, encouragement. I can't help but wonder how much more women could achieve if these barriers to equality didn't stand in our way? As the mother of girl/boy twins, I know the obstacles all too well, where girls are taught in so many subtle ways they aren't equal, and as if to prove a point, this piece was published in WaPo today. But we know otherwise. Our voices are so important, and providing an outlet to share our stories is wonderful. Best to you in the coming year and "write on." https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/01/01/advanced-placement-history-textbook-women/
OMG, I can SO relate, but in different ways. I was married for 30 years. In therapy, discovered his emotional/verbal abuse after almost 25, but we hoped to work things out. I'm ashamed to say it probably would've been easier if he'd died, because it took me 8 years to pretty much get over it & move on & stop being a victim. Even tho' I've been divorced now for more than 20 years, I'm SO going to read your book!
Thank you for your kind words! I know exactly where you're coming from in terms of being easier if your spouse had died and that's an honest and understandable reaction. After the initial shock wore off that my husband was dying, he became more abusive. It was so hard to be his caregiver during this time. In the aftermath, my emotions were so conflicted because I was so relieved I didn't have to endure his hateful words, but at the same time, he was the father of my children and I had willingly given so much of myself to our marriage. So, I get that it takes a long time to untangle the emotions. I know this will sound strange but, until I wrote the memoir, I didn't even realize I was abused. Me? Abused? Nope. I just thought we had a bad marriage. At the time I was in a graduate program and one on my classmates wrote about her abusive marriage and I saw things I couldn't unsee that were so similar to my experiences, especially the financial abuse. We do strange things to protect our hearts and I'm glad I was finally able to share my experiences because the goal is to help others in the best way I know how, by writing women's stories. Best!
Even tho I never married (thank goodness) I’m intrigued by your story and bought your book. Look forward to reading it. The best is yet to come, enjoy!!
Wow! Thank you so much! I have to admit, I think marriage is highly overrated and the practice is steeped more in outdated social norms than being practical. I personally resisted getting married and would never do it again. I hope you like the book and thanks again for your support. And absolutely the best is yet to come. Happy New Year!
I can relate to this story in spades! My husband has been gone the same amount of time, I had to care for the abuser, as his body declined, all the way to the end. I was left with a financial mess that no one on the outside could imagine, but it was real, nonetheless. I thought about writing a book as well, but I broke my back exactly 1 month to the day after he died. After 4 back surgeries, and various others, I ended up in a coma that almost took my life. Despite my attempts to recover, I was unable to do so and was not only able to care for myself, but couldn’t take care of my home of 25 years, where I raised my family. I made the regrettable decision to sell it and moved far away to a place where I had friends who could support my recovery. It’s been 2-1/2 years now and I’m as good as I’m going to get. I’ll never have the energy or strength I once had, but I’m alive and healthy. I want to move back home. I’m retirement age, with limited finances, so starting over is a little scary, but I’m also not willing to live out my life where I am. There are different kinds of misery. Maybe I should reconsider the book idea!
Bless you, Brave Heart! I see you in a simple, elegant space with light, air, and an animal companion.Maybe a tiny house one story with elevator or Murphy bed on a lovely piece of ground. I recommend all if Nat Goldberg's books starting with Writing Down the Bones
It's never too late to share your story! Even if it never gets published--although it's a strong possibility it WILL--it's GOT to be cathartic just to write down the details of your experiences. Best wishes.
Sending you peace prayers and hope for a better year ahead, Victoria. Find your voice and speak your truth! It will help you heal and plant a healing seed for others.
I am so sorry to learn of your struggles. It's so hard to untangle all the emotions when someone we loved abused us, yet we mourn what we had that brought us together. However, the fact you encountered your horrible physical problems shortly after that is just unfathomable. That sucks. I know the challenges of starting over, especially when we're older. I'm now 65, and when my husband passed away, it was the tail end of the recession, and he'd forced me to close my restaurant, so I had no income. We had just moved when we learned he was critically ill, so we moved in with my in-laws. That added to issues because he was the beloved son and brother dying of cancer, and all the hateful words he uttered or his despicable actions were ignored. Having a support system is vital to coping, yet you had to deal with all that on top of your own recovery. Holy catfish.
Writing does help. It made me confront my demons. Almost every night, I had nightmares about him. But almost immediately after I finished writing my memoir, they stopped! It was not easy to be brutally honest and put things out there that I'd barely acknowledged to myself, and now I was telling the world. But in terms of helping me heal, it was the absolute best thing I could do. It clarified so many of the issues I had in my marriage and forced me to confront how often I ignored the warning signs that I was in an abusive marriage. It all unfolded so slowly, and because when we were first married, I worked in the film industry in NYC and made the lion's share of the income, it was easy to ignore his need for financial control. But once we had kids and I stopped being the primary breadwinner, that all changed. He demanded I account for every dollar. Financial abuse is not spoken of nearly enough. His actions left us living close to the level of poverty. (He refused to get life insurance because he didn't want me to "profit" from his death.) So, boy, can I relate to your story as well.
I'm teaching a course in writing memoirs at a local community college this spring because I believe writing about our experience helps us heal and confront our past. It's also a way to learn about the struggles of others and makes us more compassionate human beings. So, I would wholeheartedly encourage you to write. I'm also working on producing a documentary or a docuseries about financial abuse and its impact on women. It's called I Know Why She Stayed. If you want to share your story but don't want to craft a memoir, I'm looking for people to interview! Best to you, Victoria, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
When my maternal grandmother was 80, she went to an assisted living facility after living alone for 20 odd years after being widowed. At first she complained everyone there was too old for her. Then she met a partner. They were together for a couple years. So it's never too late.
P.S. I'm almost 67 and still single, never married, no plans, but your example shows that you never know. Congratulations! I wish you all the best!
Isn't it wonderful of Mary to give us this platform, where we are encouraging each other with hope? I love your comment, Ellen. You are opening MY hope and heart even wider!
Diane, congratters from England! I did the same thing nearly 4 years ago, at 71, after living alone for millions of years. It is weird having someone else, apart from the cat, in the building, but I'm getting used to it! Mind you, I always used to say that living alone was preferable, as you never have to experience grief etc. I have that to look forward to, unless I'm hit by the meteorite I've booked first! Hope it all goes well for you both.
Thank you SO much for this encouragement! I'm getting a lot of negative feedback from friends who think there must be something wrong here. I've become hesitant to share my good news with them because it is not taken very well. But we'll prove them wrong. I said the same things about it being better to be single, until I met him. About the anticipation of grief, a wise man recently said that should inspire us to love as much as we can while we can. I'm so happy for YOU, too!
Thank you so much! I needed the positive feedback I've been receiving from the wonderful people I am meeting here. And thanks to Mary Trump for creating this space for us to share!
I survived COVID and continue to survive its lingering effects. I got COVID between Christmas and New Year's last year, right before the vaccines came out. I worked in a position that required us to be out in the community to ensure safety of vulnerable citizens. I was crazy sick for two weeks, and literally couldn't breathe or move or do anything. I spent three of those days thinking I was really going to die because I just couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to go to the hospital because no one who went to the hospital at the time was coming out alive. I also thought Jan 6 was a hallucination (imagine my horror when I learned it was true a few weeks later). Anyway, there's nothing quite like death that shines some real perspective on life. Thankfully I survived, but it took FOREVER for breathing and thinking to come back to kinda sorta normal. In August I found myself in the ER with heart problems. An inflammation of the heart. I used to run 5 miles 4-5 times a week. I had no prior medical conditions at all. And I'm fairly young. All the doctors got so incredibly defensive about this being a result of the vaccines. I wasn't in any way trying to attack the validity or the need for the vaccines. In fact, I believe getting the vaccine actually helped alleviate some of the long-term effects I was experiencing. But the medical professionals kept insisting it wasn't the vaccines and told me to manage my stress. Okayyyy. Since I couldn't just up and leave the US to alleviate said stress, I did the next best thing. I decided to leave my hard-earned and high-stress position to pursue my actual calling. Where this road will lead I'm not entirely sure, but I'm super excited. Out of the s%#@show that was 2021, I gained life. And for that I am immeasurably thankful.
I dealt with a recurrence of breast cancer during the height of the 2020 pandemic, so 2021 was a breeze. Got vaccinated, started shopping for myself again instead of using a delivery service -- an unexpected thrill -- and went back to Pilates classes. First unmasked, then with the delta variant, masked and this last week of the year, unfortunately, staying home to avoid all the crazy unmasked Floridians out there. My wishes for 2022: Continued health, a slowing of COVID cases so I can go back to classes, the sound defeat of Ron DeSantis and the Democrats growing balls and saving our democracy. Here's wishing all of us a healthy, happy New Year!
You said a mouthful. My wife had HER-2+ breast cancer and is a survivor. 👍👍 I'm with you in that!! Take care of yourself Cheryl!!
And yes, Democrats need to understand this is no made-for-television movie... our democracy really is in peril. I've never been more terrified in my life.
I got off my ass and did something. I went downstairs and finally cleaned out my basement workshop, which for years had been a metaphor for my life. For me, this was beating some depression I'd been feeling for a very long time for no reasons I could put my finger on. It meant more to me than anything to discover I was salvageable. It's nice to feel real happiness again. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I feel pretty certain things will be okay (notwithstanding our current political situation of course.)
Things like clutter and putting up with relationships that don't work for us drain energy. Tolerating political and legal abuse and inequality does the same. When you lack energy, just ask yourself what you are tolerating. You will be amazed.
I've always wondered what pushes us in some moments to act on an impulse we have for so long ignored. "It meant more to me than anything to discover I was salvageable" is a wonderful and extraordinary thing to say. It's important to recognize you're not totally out of the woods but pretty amazing you're feeling real happiness again. And things will be OK--even politically if we all stick together and work hard at it.
I had two bright spots in 2021. First, I swam with a sea turtle in Hawaii. It came to me, stayed close even when I was trying to move back, and we communicated, somehow. It was life changing. My second was to be part of a group that planned a free community event to encourage people of all types to come together and get to know each other. We provided food, entertainment, games, yoga, and music - children were celebrated with cake walks and crafts. Everywhere I looked people were talking with people who didn't look like them! I called it our 1 Human Family Festival - and I had tears in my eyes by the end of it for all the sweet moments!
It is, and it continues to give me incredible JOY! That was our first annual. I pray I can convince the group to DO it again! We must learn to love each other!
About 25 years ago I was on a boat heading up the Na'Pali coast and a school of about 20 dolphin started swimming alongside us. The captain let me go get up on the bow and I was within inches of these remarkable animals. I snorkeled with sea turtles on Maui but never got as close as you--what an experience!
I hope the 1Human Family Festival happens every year (at least!). We need more of that kind of thing.
Hi, Mary! Getting to know you better and reading your books, has been a really good thing! Also, my husband, who was told he has the most aggressive bladder cancer imaginable and would only live 4 months, has been treated by Keytruda, immunotherapy, and is in total remission! Now we were told that it will only stay in remission with ongoing treatments ever 6 weeks, the insurance company is continuing to pay for the treatments, minus deductibles and co-payments, the treatments appear to do no harm and a miraculous amount of good. I wanted to share this so other people with cancer can ask about immunotherapy! When it works, it is a game-changer! This is the same treatment former President Carter has received for his brain cancer.
I agree, the past two years have been really, really hard, for both personal reasons and because of the craziness going on in our country. We live in a deep red state. It feels so strange to feel so alone in the way we see the world. We have had to work hard to remain loving and compassionate towards people who think so differently than we do. I pray that justice comes forth in 2022 and Uncle Donald is held accountable for his many acts of evil. I pray that we can all know as much truth as is possible, and come together as a country around democratic principles and not have to be ashamed to be an American for the way our people are behaving towards each other.
Thank you for your voice and the time you take to share your thoughts with us.
I live in a deep red state too. It’s difficult to make friends and be in the presence of people who don’t share your core values. They are rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful of others! I really feel the need to move. It’s not going to change and I feel beaten down whenever I go out in public. I agree that it is very lonely living in a red state!
The best thing to happen to me, and my husband this year was finally being able to see and spend time with my sister-in-law, and our niece and nephew after almost two years apart due to Covid . In fact , we're meeting them for lunch tomorrow to start off the New Year . Also, after emailing President Biden a poem that I wrote in support of the community of Surfside , here in Florida ( I live in Sunrise Florida ), in the mail I received a personal letter from President Biden . That was pretty good too lol !
In his letter to me , President Biden said my poem spoke beautifully of unity . Not only did I receive a beautiful letter from him, last week I also received the official White House Christmas card. And I am honored to have received both .
I have similar ambivalence toward 2021. However, I was finally able to convince my 92 year old mother to move in with me so that I can provide consistent care for her. While that brought on a series of other difficult challenges, I am at peace and will always be thankful that happened. Now,all I ask of 2022 is health and peace. Not much, I know ;)
Hi Mary, you wonderful enduring smartypants! After years of being used by his employer (and under appreciated), but unable to find a better job, by son got a great job in a beautiful place with a humane employer! I'm his retired dad, but I was so happy for him, I felt like it had happened to me.
"Wonderful enduring smartypants" is quite the epithet! Thank you. They say a parent is only as happy as their least happy child so that's a wonderful turn of events.
I had the go-ahead to give a kidney to a stranger, which will happen in about 5 weeks. Hopefully the recipient will have a better 2022! I'll be 160 grammes lighter - result! Hope yours is as good as you wish, Ms Trump!
That's awesome! A friend of mine was able to donate a kidney to his mother a couple years ago - such an incredible gift! Best wishes to both of you for the surgery and recovery!
The reason I mention giving a kidney is that in doing might jog somebody into doing it too. There is no age limit [I'm 75] and you get the best MOT (UK car testing thing) for a human there is - at no cost! It's taken a long time to get through all the tests - v. long story - but I hope it's worth it. Never had surgery, so no idea what I'm in for, apart from the surgeon telling me he's really good at his job.... should damn well hope so! The funniest thing is that mine goes into the recipient as well as their existing ones, so they can sometimes end up with 4 or 5, depending on how long they last. I am certainly learing a lot about renal stuff, if anyone's interested. PS they haven't looked at my brain, but everything else is in good order. Weird.
Situational depression didn’t win. I dug deeper and found more in me to care about and look forward to doing. Second most tough time in my life so there’s that. People such as yourself have been very helpful to keep your voice like a beacon of something good. Thanks. Happy New Year. I hope this can get better for everyone’s sake.
My dog Fitbit and I became very close. He found unique ways to get me out of bed. When I stood in the middle of the room not knowing where I was going he’d grab my sleeve and take me somewhere, usually a chair, sometimes to my cup of coffee. Once he brought me his leash, handed me the end with the snap while he held onto the loop end and led me outside. Fitbit never let me give up. Many thanks also to Diana, Ronda Cress, Kasey Rogers... I hope I left no one out. <3
Yes, can see that. My friend Brunonia who has encouraged me in ways I’d thought most important, like writing, helped me see that my love of Fitbit and his of me would see us both through the many losses that we’d been facing. His love of me she said is a great gift.
Thank you, Cheryl! Fitbit has times when he gets excited and runs around in circles. We got him very young because of this. He was being trained to be a service dog until one day when his puppy raiser didn’t want to take him with her as she was required to. She tied him up in her back yard and left him there. He manage to get loose and get out of the yard. He ran out into the street and was hit by a truck. Several surgeries later my partner and I were asked if we would like him for a pet. He was tiny, a tiny golden retriever puppy. He still has trouble walking, and when he does he pulls himself together and runs in circles. The little bitty puppy throws a fit! A happy one. There’s another part to the story but that can wait.
2021 was the worst ever year of my life not even counting covid. Because of the Texas Governments incompendence and their cronies, the Texas power grid failed when temp down to zero. My Sprinkler systems exploded in the ceiling of my condo destroying all contents (everything). The only thing that survived was a pair of bright orange neon tennis shoes. For nine months my dogs and I lived in and out of hotels, in the car, and with a friend with 5 cats. To hell with 2021.
The willfully malicious incompetence of Texas political leaders (Abbott, Cruz, Cornyn and pretty much the entire state legislature) is criminal. I'm sorry you went through all of it but glad it came out ok. 👇🏼
Malicious, incompetent, criminal, and in your face assholes, yep! that about describes Texas Government. TG kissing your uncle's butt makes it all around Fucked-up. I'm sad because I'm a 5th gen Texan and use to be proud of that fact.
I'm so sorry, Gayle. I live in Houston and that freeze was no joke, although I didn't suffer the ramifications you did. Sending wishes for all the best.
I got a new yellow lab puppy to take me on walks and have adventures with. I'm learning how to make a quilt, and picked up knitting again. You have to keep busy in order to keep your sanity!
I believe the best thing over the last 18 months was watching Aussies practically turn back the clock during lockdown to learn healthy pastimes and games. People returned to reading; old fashioned board/card games; Lego and Meccano; jigsaw puzzles; learning handcrafts such as embroidery, carpentry, soap making...going for family walks and playing 'Count the Bears'; kids chalking colourful messages and flowers on the footpaths; a lot of people cleaned out and/or renovated and put what they longer needed on the verge for recycling by others...So many good things. I just hope we have learnt to hang onto these good lessons. Best and Blessings for the New Year, Mary, to you and yours.
That's a great point. A lot of people did try new things (like baking or crafts) and spend more time reading, playing games together. I hope we hang onto the good lessons, too. Happy New Year!
I hadn’t had a mammogram in three years. I’m a terrible procrastinator! In January I had an inkling that something was wrong so I made myself go in. Turns out I had breast cancer, but because we caught it so early, I had two surgeries and radiation and I’m all good now! We even got to go to Punta Cana with our daughter’s family between surgery and radiation. Even though life is crazy, I have so much to be grateful for. Here’s to wishing all of you a marvelous 2022!
I just read that Betty White died today. She was a trailblazer for her time, acting well into her 90s. I’ve been reading a book about feminist saints in history. I support women running for elected office. I emotionally support my female friends in everything they do, encouraging them to be true to themselves and be the person they want to be rather than taking on expectations of who others think they should be. It’s a hard road for many and that’s why women need to support other women. That’s been my focus for a number of years, but especially the last 2 years. It has been a very difficult couple years for most of us. My New Year’s resolutions are to further decrease my carbon footprint and to be kinder to those I don’t understand. I already donated my Keurig and bought a regular coffee pot because I couldn’t any longer think about all those plastic pods in our oceans. What I wish for 2022 is to see your uncle Donald in prison clothes along with his most horrendous sycophants. An end to Covid would be awesome, but I think the chances of that happening are nil. Be safe everyone!
We need more women--especially women of color--in leadership positions at all levels of government. Think what a difference that would make. Holding the criminals accountability will make even more difference in the short run. Orange jumpsuits all around.
So smart Joanne! I bought an old time percolator, coffee tastes so much better. All stainless steal no plastic, no copper. I agree with your wish for the year of 2022. But the whole Republican party need to grow a spine. My son hates this expression, however it's so approptiate, Republicans have become a butch of "weak little pukes".
The “good thing” about 2021 for me, was actually about appreciating the good in my life; those in-the-moment moments when I felt grateful for the love and joy in my life.
I feel the same way Eva. I feel so fortunate in my life in so many ways. I do have to admit that I continue to be saddened by the hate, racism, and lies that is so prevalent right now, but knowing that there is good too is what sustains me.
My liberal little niece finally got vaccinated in December, after trying to convince her Republican parents for a year now. Bonus, mom and stepdad got vaxxed, too. I'm so happy and profoundly relieved. Happy New Year, Mary, and hope it's a better one for all.
My daughter, who has a special needs child, has begun the process of adopting another special needs child they met, but who's in foster care now. I am amazed daily by the fact I raised such a wonderful child. Every child deserves love & she has a heart full of love to give.
In a truly terrifying year, wherein our country went off the deep end, the best thing that happened to me was that i moved from GA to NY! It was a difficult move, because of timing and logistics, of course my age didn’t help, but I gathered up all our pets and miraculously found a house in the worst housing shortage our country has ever had, so for that I feel truly blessed. Now instead of being 15 hours away from my daughters I’m 15 minutes away, and that is a good thing! Good riddance 2021. Please 2022, be kinder.
Best thing that happened to me in 2021 was that I was able to receive vaccinations against a virus that had every intention of killing me. So here I still am, spending time with children and grandchildren.
I wish you and yours a very happy new year and may 2022 bring a thorough cleansing of insurrectionist from our lives.
I totally, agree Barbara. I have never been so grateful to be sick as I was when I got my two Pfizer shots and booster. Plus everybody I know staying healthy. I have the same hopes for 2022. Happy New Year.
As a musician, (singer, cellist, pianist), Covid stopped the music for a very long time. I am so grateful that the music came back this year, and so far I have avoided getting Covid and doing everything I can to avoid it.
Exactly, Wendy. Music and (here in NYC) Broadway and museums. Hope it continues. And I, too, will continue to do everything in my power not to get COVID.
I read Heather Cox Richardson's newsletters, became your fan, started longform epistolary relationships with some wonderful people, did some birding, pottery, and long walks as part of a personal respite. It helped reach some fellow humans in a more intimate, giving, and soulful way.
Getting to know YOU. I really appreciate your candid, intelligent insights into "trumpy" and how we can prepare to handle the cruelty that has been unleashed since Donald Trump began his political campaign in 2015.
Some cherished memories I had in 2021 were the publication of my articles in a widely circulation newspaper after shying away too often that they may not be good enough for publication but they actually were.
My loved ones & myself all did the right thing and protected oursleves with vaccine shots, endured the isolation, and sometimes loneliness; but all-in-all, spirits remained high. This pandemic has taught me to practice gratitude every.damn.day!
2021. January 6th, I was working for a police department right across the river from The Siege, so the experience was horrifying for weeks. Seeing traitors walking back to their hotels from the metro all afternoon was enraging and sickening.
Also, in January, I had a routine pap after 3 years (OK after 60),
February, the results came back clear EXCEPT for being flagged for a possible viral type that can cause cancer.
March 22nd, called while at work with a diagnosis of Adenocarcinoma In Situ, needing a radical hysterectomy asap.
Couldn't even see the gyn oncological surgeon until May 12th.
Retired June 18 (deflated event, of course).
July 16th, modified radical hysterectomy, laparoscopically, by the BEST surgeon in the DMV. Biopsies of related organs: CLEAR!
Recovered, had movers remove most everything (economic move due to retirement) September, painters for 3 weeks, new carpet October, listed house.
No offers...UNTIL NEW YEAR'S EVE!
Signed the contract last night at 7.
A final, rational, wonderful way to end this terrible year <3
Thank you, Mary. Throughout all the challenges of the year's events, I feel my actions and words as an individual matter more than ever before in my long lifetime. Each of us has the awesome responsibility to care about others, keep ourselves, our families and others safe, and vote to save democracy. It is a profound power and one we should take very seriously.
This past year has been harrowing for sure and as you said Mary time still has no meaning which is unnerving.
Here are some good things that happened to me this past year- my bank account has remained steady and I don't have to worry about money like I did for many years (long story), I got to see some friends in person after we got vaccinated and before the Delta wave hit (during the summer), my Mom and I were able to do some of what we would normally do together in person during non-COVID times throughout this year and because of the work I do I'm helping Illinois students learn about LGBTQ history since it's now a mandated curriculum for all K-12 public schools in the state (HB 246).
Also, I'm so glad we've gotten to know you Mary. Having your presence on the national scene has helped my mental state A LOT because you were able to say in your various media appearances, books, your podcast and this blog what we've been saying in our smaller circles about the state of this country and that has made me feel better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Onward to 2022, which hopefully has to be a better year.
My partner and I are in our 70's, I'm coasting to 80 and we survived Covid. We are vaccinated and boosted and always wear masks when out. The worst of 2021 was not just the insurrection itself, but the lack of prosecution for Trump and many of hs allies; I want him for treason and sedition. I truly believe, at this point, giving Garland the AG job because he didn't get the SCJ job was a huge mistake. Happy New Year Mary
One was epic. She was wearing mask around her wrist, store owner asked her to put it on so she put it around her neck. Snap! We had a five minute shouting match and when she left, owner offered me a job as mask monitor. LOL I'm just exhausted from my life being controlled by stupid people. Monday we get a new mask mandate (finally!) and I expect I'll become a public nuisance again.
I live in Alabama, (Rural SW) Pennsylvania, where I'm still seeing nasty flags and banners, especially in the yards of the coal barons. I survived by making a small vegetable garden, and making pickles and jellies. I'm a retired social worker, but volunteer my time. The stay at home gave me the time to do local historical research. I loved it. Your book was also a highlight of the year! Thank you for sharing.
Mary, knowing you through print is a privilege. I've read your books, but I think saying I enjoyed them would be an oxymoron. LOL They were incredibly well written and thought provoking. The Reckoning was the best and most frightening book on history I have read. And my Mom and Grandmother were Holocaust survivors. You are an inspiration to so many that feel doomed coming from horrific families. Your Dad must have been a great man to have given the world a brilliant woman such as you. Hopefully, 2022 will usher in days that you no longer are embarrassed by your family name. You have changed the name to resilience, grace, and strength. Something all of us aspire to. Mazel tov.
We were languishing in Michigan. We decided we needed an adventure, bought a house (unseen except through video call), and moved to Vermont in October. Best thing we could have done for ourselves. Even our dog is doing better. Saw my daughter-in-law and her mom for the first time in a couple years when they, and my son, came to visit the new house. None of us have had COVID and we are all 3-vaccined. Thank you for posting your insights.
What does it say that nothing immediately jumped to mind? Well, I did not start drinking again (I had quit in May 2020), so that's a huge good thing. But I guess the high point was that I got to work all year as a vaccinator, making sure people were safe from this horrible virus. I've vaccinated in large scale clinics, in people's homes and cars, in tents, in churches—anywhere I could talk someone into letting me vaccinate them. I've vaccinated people aged 5 to 102!
The respect I have for people who were already in recovery when COVID struck and managed to stay sober during COVID is hard to describe. and vaccinating people on top of that? Amazing. Thank you.
Thank you for this
Thank you for helping so many!!
Hi Kristi! Great job with not drinking again. It's a great thing! I quit in '91 but went back to it almost immediately. I quit for good in '93 and I made it the second time because I think I was better prepared mentally for it. What definitely helped was never putting myself in situations where I'd risk starting up again. I lost all my old friends who simply wouldn't accept that I didn't want to party with them anymore. That part was tough but in the end they were no loss at all. I truly love being alcohol free. Hang in there... it's worth it and you can do it! 👍🙂👍
Thanks, Greg. I too had tried before, but feel confident that I've made it this time. It's a great feeling! I've definitely been tested (ongoing family crisis during which going to the liquor store did cross my mind). I quit smoking over 30 years ago, but quitting vodka was harder!
It's awesome to hear you say that Kristi! I'm certainly no expert, but when I felt that 'confidence that I've made it', I sort of knew that I had. Sounds like you've reached that point and beyond! As the Aussies often say, 'Good on 'ya, Mate!!'😊Way to go. Alcoholism runs in my family on my father's side... I knew where I was heading. I quit before I destroyed any lives. So thankful. Keep it going Kristi!!👍👍
Mary!
Mary!
Mary!
(I say your name 3 times and click my heels to bring the blessings of the gods upon you and your readers!) And I just wanted to say, that when you move to New York, Woman, you move in BIG! A great Book! A scintIllating pod cast! A brilliant Substack!
2022 is gonna be sparkling!
I love you, E. Jean! Thank you for your courage, for the brilliant "Ask E. Jean," and, most of all, for your friendship.
Thinking of *you* too, E. Jean...sending support vibes. Watching and listening...
OMG! Yes! Click. Click. Click... We need to turn the word/name into a positive. I've been tossing around Trumpalina! Or how about Trumpalovingus? Or remember that old Monkees song... Mary, Mary, where you goin' to? 🎶🎶 Mary, Mary, where you trumpin' to? Mary, Mary, can we trump too! 🎶🎶
I rarely comment online but wanted to share my personal 2021 experience, hoping to inspire others who are struggling, encouraging everyone reading this to keep on hanging in there, despite whatever life is currently throwing at you.
I’ve been mostly bedridden after breaking my back on January 12th, 3 spinal fractures in all. I’ve lost count of hospitalizations, procedures, surgeries, etc.
Still can’t stand or walk on my own, but am aware of slow progress.
Also, for first 7 months of this year, I was legally blind, fast-growing cataracts now removed, tho even those surgeries had to be done under general anesthesia because of broken back.The good news from that: I can read my Christmas books now and see movies clearly!
I've walked through spiritual fire this year and feel transformed by countless dark days/nights of the soul tho I'm still figuring out what that means. Thus far, focusing on just being a jumper-cable for joy and helping/giving/loving as I can feels really good. In this tech age, so much of that can be done from wherever we are. Even our rehabilitation-recliners. Aho. :^)
Hope still floats and the Light still shines.
And, it always will.
Trust that as an inner promise that you secretly make to yourself.
May the New Year Bring the Peace and Healing We All Seek.
Keep up the great work, Mary...Thank You for being a "jumper-cable" for Truth!
Sandra (Sandy) Cline
Thank you, Sandy, for sharing. That is an extraordinary amount of hardship for one year and I'm grateful you got through it all and are here to share your story. I love the jumper cable analogy. Happy New Year. Let's make sure 2022 is better.
Thank you for sharing. Your resilience and positivity does inspire!
liberals' are a blessing for the earth and for other people
Blessings to you for sharing your struggles this year to give the rest of us a good dose of hope! Thank you!
Healing 🙏🏼🙌
Blessings on your ongoing healing! And thank you for this: "Hope still floats and the Light still shines.
And, it always will." AMEN. It is so.
Wow. Your strength is inspiring. We can inspire by telling our simple truths.
What a letter! Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself!!
Yes, the hits just kept coming. At 71, I’ve been in recovery from alcoholism for 12 years. I didn’t slip in 2020 or 2021, so I win, in spite of the waves of depression and loneliness that assailed. Just as we started putting things back together, another wave would hit, including my oldest granddaughter being diagnosed with glioblastoma. We persevere. Give it your best shot, 2022!😬
Staying sober is an extraordinary accomplishment under the best of circumstances so to manage it during COVID is amazing. I am so deeply sorry about your granddaughter's diagnosis. I hope she recovers fully. 2022 needs to be better and we have to do everything we can to make it better. Thank you for being here.
Good for you re: your recovery, & I wish your granddaughter & the rest of the family all the best while dealing with the diagnosis. <3
Thank you and wishing you a Happy New Year!
My brother had it years ago but now there are good treatments. I know someone who had 3 gbs and today is leading a happy life. Hr was treated at Duke in NC.
I cried on reading this. Both my parents were alcoholics never able to find another way in life.
As the daughter of 4 + Virginia and North Carolina dynasties, alcoholism was all around me, including a " there but not there" mother. whrn I became a single parent, I decided all alcohol was off the menu and now I keep forgetting there is an unopened bottle of white somewhere in my kitchen. And I never missed it. ( Before I made that decision, almost all poor decisions were made after a drink. There is a reason guys buy you drinks, dear hearts).
I am sorry for your pain. Alcoholism is a family disease. I hope you have people in your life who love and comfort you.😥❤️
In November, I adopted Annie, my loving, loyal, 8-year-old yellow Labrador retriever. She takes me on walks and adventures several times a day, every day and—most important—at my leisurely 74-year-old pace! We rescued each other in what was yet another year of isolation for elders (and others, obviously).
That's wonderful and you two are lucky to have found each other. I got rescued by a four-month-old kitten a couple of weeks ago so I can completely relate to the sense of gratitude.
Thanks, Mary.
I love this so much my heart hurts. ❤️❤️
Thank you. She's a lovely old girl and we are perfect for each other.
We bought a condo we could afford with a view of Lake Michigan in Racine WI and are renovating it for our retirement in 2022. I'm taking my redundant Blue vote from Illinois to where it will matter. Already contributed to the (D) Lt. Gov who will challenge the moronic Ron Johnson for the Senate!
A twofer--a much-needed blue vote in Wisconsin and a beautiful new home (nothing like a water view). Enjoy every second of it.
Thank you! We need you here in Wisconsin!!
You need to get rid of Ron Johnson there! Sending love to you from Illinois 💙
For ten years after my husband's death, I struggled to confront the impact of the financial and emotional abuse I suffered throughout my 25 year marriage. I was about to finally leave him when he was diagnosed with cancer and expected to live for just months. After his death, I had to deal with the mess I was left with on top of raising our 13yr old twins. It was only when I wrote a memoir to untangle the emotional upheaval that I finally stopped having nightmares about him and could move forward. This past April, my memoir (Our Better Selves: From Secrets and Lies to Healing and Forgiveness) was published and the response has been so up-lifting. So many women have experienced similar things and have no way to express their emotions or think they're the only one. Talking about it to others has helped us heal. But equally important, the book opens the door for discussions about the connection between domestic and financial abuse. This may seem like a leap, but the whole experience had me thinking about the ways our gov't uses many of the same tactics to thwart equality for women. Because legislation is now so influenced by money in politics, laws and rules are crafted in ways that keep women from having an equal say. An example of this would be all the money that was raised to get Amy Coney Barrett on the Supreme Court and now abortion rights are now tenuous at best. Republicans refuse to address issues that impact women the most like child care, paid family leave and universal pre-K. And, we still make less money than men for the same work. These are the ways finances are used against women and we are just waking up to the connection. I am so grateful for women like you Mary Trump! You get it! I am thankful you write about your own experiences even though I'm sure it's often painful. We need more voices like yours to help others connect the dots to what is happening around us. Thank you Mary for giving us a voice and help us see the Good in Us.
Thank you, Kasey. That is very kind. It's wonderful you were able to turn your abusive marriage into a positive experience--both for you and others. That takes a lot fo courage. I think the connection you make is a valid one. I'm glad you get it, too.
Thank you, Mary. Your work and words come at a time women need them most. I'm very thankful for things to read that offer wisdom and, most of all, encouragement. I can't help but wonder how much more women could achieve if these barriers to equality didn't stand in our way? As the mother of girl/boy twins, I know the obstacles all too well, where girls are taught in so many subtle ways they aren't equal, and as if to prove a point, this piece was published in WaPo today. But we know otherwise. Our voices are so important, and providing an outlet to share our stories is wonderful. Best to you in the coming year and "write on." https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/01/01/advanced-placement-history-textbook-women/
OMG, I can SO relate, but in different ways. I was married for 30 years. In therapy, discovered his emotional/verbal abuse after almost 25, but we hoped to work things out. I'm ashamed to say it probably would've been easier if he'd died, because it took me 8 years to pretty much get over it & move on & stop being a victim. Even tho' I've been divorced now for more than 20 years, I'm SO going to read your book!
Thanks so much for your sharing & honesty.
Thank you for your kind words! I know exactly where you're coming from in terms of being easier if your spouse had died and that's an honest and understandable reaction. After the initial shock wore off that my husband was dying, he became more abusive. It was so hard to be his caregiver during this time. In the aftermath, my emotions were so conflicted because I was so relieved I didn't have to endure his hateful words, but at the same time, he was the father of my children and I had willingly given so much of myself to our marriage. So, I get that it takes a long time to untangle the emotions. I know this will sound strange but, until I wrote the memoir, I didn't even realize I was abused. Me? Abused? Nope. I just thought we had a bad marriage. At the time I was in a graduate program and one on my classmates wrote about her abusive marriage and I saw things I couldn't unsee that were so similar to my experiences, especially the financial abuse. We do strange things to protect our hearts and I'm glad I was finally able to share my experiences because the goal is to help others in the best way I know how, by writing women's stories. Best!
Even tho I never married (thank goodness) I’m intrigued by your story and bought your book. Look forward to reading it. The best is yet to come, enjoy!!
Wow! Thank you so much! I have to admit, I think marriage is highly overrated and the practice is steeped more in outdated social norms than being practical. I personally resisted getting married and would never do it again. I hope you like the book and thanks again for your support. And absolutely the best is yet to come. Happy New Year!
I can relate to this story in spades! My husband has been gone the same amount of time, I had to care for the abuser, as his body declined, all the way to the end. I was left with a financial mess that no one on the outside could imagine, but it was real, nonetheless. I thought about writing a book as well, but I broke my back exactly 1 month to the day after he died. After 4 back surgeries, and various others, I ended up in a coma that almost took my life. Despite my attempts to recover, I was unable to do so and was not only able to care for myself, but couldn’t take care of my home of 25 years, where I raised my family. I made the regrettable decision to sell it and moved far away to a place where I had friends who could support my recovery. It’s been 2-1/2 years now and I’m as good as I’m going to get. I’ll never have the energy or strength I once had, but I’m alive and healthy. I want to move back home. I’m retirement age, with limited finances, so starting over is a little scary, but I’m also not willing to live out my life where I am. There are different kinds of misery. Maybe I should reconsider the book idea!
Bless you, Brave Heart! I see you in a simple, elegant space with light, air, and an animal companion.Maybe a tiny house one story with elevator or Murphy bed on a lovely piece of ground. I recommend all if Nat Goldberg's books starting with Writing Down the Bones
It's never too late to share your story! Even if it never gets published--although it's a strong possibility it WILL--it's GOT to be cathartic just to write down the details of your experiences. Best wishes.
Sending you peace prayers and hope for a better year ahead, Victoria. Find your voice and speak your truth! It will help you heal and plant a healing seed for others.
I am so sorry to learn of your struggles. It's so hard to untangle all the emotions when someone we loved abused us, yet we mourn what we had that brought us together. However, the fact you encountered your horrible physical problems shortly after that is just unfathomable. That sucks. I know the challenges of starting over, especially when we're older. I'm now 65, and when my husband passed away, it was the tail end of the recession, and he'd forced me to close my restaurant, so I had no income. We had just moved when we learned he was critically ill, so we moved in with my in-laws. That added to issues because he was the beloved son and brother dying of cancer, and all the hateful words he uttered or his despicable actions were ignored. Having a support system is vital to coping, yet you had to deal with all that on top of your own recovery. Holy catfish.
Writing does help. It made me confront my demons. Almost every night, I had nightmares about him. But almost immediately after I finished writing my memoir, they stopped! It was not easy to be brutally honest and put things out there that I'd barely acknowledged to myself, and now I was telling the world. But in terms of helping me heal, it was the absolute best thing I could do. It clarified so many of the issues I had in my marriage and forced me to confront how often I ignored the warning signs that I was in an abusive marriage. It all unfolded so slowly, and because when we were first married, I worked in the film industry in NYC and made the lion's share of the income, it was easy to ignore his need for financial control. But once we had kids and I stopped being the primary breadwinner, that all changed. He demanded I account for every dollar. Financial abuse is not spoken of nearly enough. His actions left us living close to the level of poverty. (He refused to get life insurance because he didn't want me to "profit" from his death.) So, boy, can I relate to your story as well.
I'm teaching a course in writing memoirs at a local community college this spring because I believe writing about our experience helps us heal and confront our past. It's also a way to learn about the struggles of others and makes us more compassionate human beings. So, I would wholeheartedly encourage you to write. I'm also working on producing a documentary or a docuseries about financial abuse and its impact on women. It's called I Know Why She Stayed. If you want to share your story but don't want to craft a memoir, I'm looking for people to interview! Best to you, Victoria, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I met the man I'm going to marry - my first marriage ever - and I am a 72-yr-old grown-up hippie chick! If THAT ain't sumthin'!!
That is so cool! Congratulations.
I just love YOU so much, Mary!
When my maternal grandmother was 80, she went to an assisted living facility after living alone for 20 odd years after being widowed. At first she complained everyone there was too old for her. Then she met a partner. They were together for a couple years. So it's never too late.
P.S. I'm almost 67 and still single, never married, no plans, but your example shows that you never know. Congratulations! I wish you all the best!
Isn't it wonderful of Mary to give us this platform, where we are encouraging each other with hope? I love your comment, Ellen. You are opening MY hope and heart even wider!
Diane, congratters from England! I did the same thing nearly 4 years ago, at 71, after living alone for millions of years. It is weird having someone else, apart from the cat, in the building, but I'm getting used to it! Mind you, I always used to say that living alone was preferable, as you never have to experience grief etc. I have that to look forward to, unless I'm hit by the meteorite I've booked first! Hope it all goes well for you both.
Thank you SO much for this encouragement! I'm getting a lot of negative feedback from friends who think there must be something wrong here. I've become hesitant to share my good news with them because it is not taken very well. But we'll prove them wrong. I said the same things about it being better to be single, until I met him. About the anticipation of grief, a wise man recently said that should inspire us to love as much as we can while we can. I'm so happy for YOU, too!
From grown up hippie chick to hippie chick... congratulations! You go girl! Mm! <3
Oh, thank you for that! It's crazy, but it's real!
I know. I trust that this is something that feels very good to you. No? Congratulations!
Thank you so much! I needed the positive feedback I've been receiving from the wonderful people I am meeting here. And thanks to Mary Trump for creating this space for us to share!
I know. Me too.
Mazel Tov!!
Cool Diane.
Went from homeless center in Aug to college roommates. Have a job & am sitting for my LCSW in 2.5 wks. No covid for me, amen vax/booster
That's fantastic , Mark!
This LCSW wishes you much success and kick ass on that exam!!
May you do well on the exam. It's solid.
You will make a difference, Mark.
I survived COVID and continue to survive its lingering effects. I got COVID between Christmas and New Year's last year, right before the vaccines came out. I worked in a position that required us to be out in the community to ensure safety of vulnerable citizens. I was crazy sick for two weeks, and literally couldn't breathe or move or do anything. I spent three of those days thinking I was really going to die because I just couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to go to the hospital because no one who went to the hospital at the time was coming out alive. I also thought Jan 6 was a hallucination (imagine my horror when I learned it was true a few weeks later). Anyway, there's nothing quite like death that shines some real perspective on life. Thankfully I survived, but it took FOREVER for breathing and thinking to come back to kinda sorta normal. In August I found myself in the ER with heart problems. An inflammation of the heart. I used to run 5 miles 4-5 times a week. I had no prior medical conditions at all. And I'm fairly young. All the doctors got so incredibly defensive about this being a result of the vaccines. I wasn't in any way trying to attack the validity or the need for the vaccines. In fact, I believe getting the vaccine actually helped alleviate some of the long-term effects I was experiencing. But the medical professionals kept insisting it wasn't the vaccines and told me to manage my stress. Okayyyy. Since I couldn't just up and leave the US to alleviate said stress, I did the next best thing. I decided to leave my hard-earned and high-stress position to pursue my actual calling. Where this road will lead I'm not entirely sure, but I'm super excited. Out of the s%#@show that was 2021, I gained life. And for that I am immeasurably thankful.
As somebody with bad asthma I can relate to some of those horrors. So glad you got through it.
I dealt with a recurrence of breast cancer during the height of the 2020 pandemic, so 2021 was a breeze. Got vaccinated, started shopping for myself again instead of using a delivery service -- an unexpected thrill -- and went back to Pilates classes. First unmasked, then with the delta variant, masked and this last week of the year, unfortunately, staying home to avoid all the crazy unmasked Floridians out there. My wishes for 2022: Continued health, a slowing of COVID cases so I can go back to classes, the sound defeat of Ron DeSantis and the Democrats growing balls and saving our democracy. Here's wishing all of us a healthy, happy New Year!
It's wonderful that you are healthy and were able to make the most of it in 2021. Great wish list!
You said a mouthful. My wife had HER-2+ breast cancer and is a survivor. 👍👍 I'm with you in that!! Take care of yourself Cheryl!!
And yes, Democrats need to understand this is no made-for-television movie... our democracy really is in peril. I've never been more terrified in my life.
Thanks, Greg. Your wife is lucky to have you beside her!
Terrified is a good way of putting it. Take care, Greg.
I finished chemo and radiation (for Hodgkin’s lymphoma and am now cancer free!
So wonderful!!!
Awesome Michele!!! Way to go!!
I got off my ass and did something. I went downstairs and finally cleaned out my basement workshop, which for years had been a metaphor for my life. For me, this was beating some depression I'd been feeling for a very long time for no reasons I could put my finger on. It meant more to me than anything to discover I was salvageable. It's nice to feel real happiness again. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I feel pretty certain things will be okay (notwithstanding our current political situation of course.)
Things like clutter and putting up with relationships that don't work for us drain energy. Tolerating political and legal abuse and inequality does the same. When you lack energy, just ask yourself what you are tolerating. You will be amazed.
Good points and all true. Thanks Hannah!! :)
I've always wondered what pushes us in some moments to act on an impulse we have for so long ignored. "It meant more to me than anything to discover I was salvageable" is a wonderful and extraordinary thing to say. It's important to recognize you're not totally out of the woods but pretty amazing you're feeling real happiness again. And things will be OK--even politically if we all stick together and work hard at it.
Thanks Mary! I really appreciate that! You have a wonderful new year!! 😊
Good for you!
Thanks Diana!
I had two bright spots in 2021. First, I swam with a sea turtle in Hawaii. It came to me, stayed close even when I was trying to move back, and we communicated, somehow. It was life changing. My second was to be part of a group that planned a free community event to encourage people of all types to come together and get to know each other. We provided food, entertainment, games, yoga, and music - children were celebrated with cake walks and crafts. Everywhere I looked people were talking with people who didn't look like them! I called it our 1 Human Family Festival - and I had tears in my eyes by the end of it for all the sweet moments!
"Everywhere I looked people were talking with people who didn't look like them!" This is the best of all things, Sharli!!👍👍
It is, and it continues to give me incredible JOY! That was our first annual. I pray I can convince the group to DO it again! We must learn to love each other!
Yes, we must Sharli.
The legendary Arthur C. Clarke said it best in (I believe) the final book of his Rama series:
"The most important statement anyone can ever make is 'I understand'. Understanding is happiness."
About 25 years ago I was on a boat heading up the Na'Pali coast and a school of about 20 dolphin started swimming alongside us. The captain let me go get up on the bow and I was within inches of these remarkable animals. I snorkeled with sea turtles on Maui but never got as close as you--what an experience!
I hope the 1Human Family Festival happens every year (at least!). We need more of that kind of thing.
Thank you Mary. I am working to that end - and have hope that we can raise the funding! Indivisible (the groups) are amazing people who really care.
Hi, Mary! Getting to know you better and reading your books, has been a really good thing! Also, my husband, who was told he has the most aggressive bladder cancer imaginable and would only live 4 months, has been treated by Keytruda, immunotherapy, and is in total remission! Now we were told that it will only stay in remission with ongoing treatments ever 6 weeks, the insurance company is continuing to pay for the treatments, minus deductibles and co-payments, the treatments appear to do no harm and a miraculous amount of good. I wanted to share this so other people with cancer can ask about immunotherapy! When it works, it is a game-changer! This is the same treatment former President Carter has received for his brain cancer.
I agree, the past two years have been really, really hard, for both personal reasons and because of the craziness going on in our country. We live in a deep red state. It feels so strange to feel so alone in the way we see the world. We have had to work hard to remain loving and compassionate towards people who think so differently than we do. I pray that justice comes forth in 2022 and Uncle Donald is held accountable for his many acts of evil. I pray that we can all know as much truth as is possible, and come together as a country around democratic principles and not have to be ashamed to be an American for the way our people are behaving towards each other.
Thank you for your voice and the time you take to share your thoughts with us.
Thank you, Diana! It's wonderful your husband made it through--especially after that diagnosis.
I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to live in a deep red state. Stay safe and together we will turn things around in 2022.
Absolutely! Thanks!
I live in a deep red state too. It’s difficult to make friends and be in the presence of people who don’t share your core values. They are rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful of others! I really feel the need to move. It’s not going to change and I feel beaten down whenever I go out in public. I agree that it is very lonely living in a red state!
The best thing to happen to me, and my husband this year was finally being able to see and spend time with my sister-in-law, and our niece and nephew after almost two years apart due to Covid . In fact , we're meeting them for lunch tomorrow to start off the New Year . Also, after emailing President Biden a poem that I wrote in support of the community of Surfside , here in Florida ( I live in Sunrise Florida ), in the mail I received a personal letter from President Biden . That was pretty good too lol !
That is so cool!!! Biden is a good man, I have no doubts!!
Beautiful. It's great you're able to be with your family again. And the letter from President Biden is *chef's kiss.* Can you share the poem here?
I would love to share the poem ! Here it is :
A SONG FOR SURFSIDE
In the face of catastrophe
As we pray to God above
A community comes together
Showing unity and love .
Families , friends , and strangers
From all walks of life
Are helping one another
Through this time of strife .
It will take time , it will take strength
But no matter what we do
We will be right there
To help see Surfside through .
In his letter to me , President Biden said my poem spoke beautifully of unity . Not only did I receive a beautiful letter from him, last week I also received the official White House Christmas card. And I am honored to have received both .
I have similar ambivalence toward 2021. However, I was finally able to convince my 92 year old mother to move in with me so that I can provide consistent care for her. While that brought on a series of other difficult challenges, I am at peace and will always be thankful that happened. Now,all I ask of 2022 is health and peace. Not much, I know ;)
That's great, Catherine. I'm sure your mother appreciates it.
I think health and peace is the least we can ask of from 2022 but we will have to work even for that. So we will.
Hi Mary, you wonderful enduring smartypants! After years of being used by his employer (and under appreciated), but unable to find a better job, by son got a great job in a beautiful place with a humane employer! I'm his retired dad, but I was so happy for him, I felt like it had happened to me.
"Wonderful enduring smartypants" is quite the epithet! Thank you. They say a parent is only as happy as their least happy child so that's a wonderful turn of events.
I had the go-ahead to give a kidney to a stranger, which will happen in about 5 weeks. Hopefully the recipient will have a better 2022! I'll be 160 grammes lighter - result! Hope yours is as good as you wish, Ms Trump!
That's awesome! A friend of mine was able to donate a kidney to his mother a couple years ago - such an incredible gift! Best wishes to both of you for the surgery and recovery!
Fantastic!
Extraordinary, LR. Thank you for that kindness and generosity.
The reason I mention giving a kidney is that in doing might jog somebody into doing it too. There is no age limit [I'm 75] and you get the best MOT (UK car testing thing) for a human there is - at no cost! It's taken a long time to get through all the tests - v. long story - but I hope it's worth it. Never had surgery, so no idea what I'm in for, apart from the surgeon telling me he's really good at his job.... should damn well hope so! The funniest thing is that mine goes into the recipient as well as their existing ones, so they can sometimes end up with 4 or 5, depending on how long they last. I am certainly learing a lot about renal stuff, if anyone's interested. PS they haven't looked at my brain, but everything else is in good order. Weird.
Situational depression didn’t win. I dug deeper and found more in me to care about and look forward to doing. Second most tough time in my life so there’s that. People such as yourself have been very helpful to keep your voice like a beacon of something good. Thanks. Happy New Year. I hope this can get better for everyone’s sake.
That takes a lot of strength, Gari, and I'm glad you made I through. I know how hard it can be. Thank you for your kind words. Happy New Year.
My dog Fitbit and I became very close. He found unique ways to get me out of bed. When I stood in the middle of the room not knowing where I was going he’d grab my sleeve and take me somewhere, usually a chair, sometimes to my cup of coffee. Once he brought me his leash, handed me the end with the snap while he held onto the loop end and led me outside. Fitbit never let me give up. Many thanks also to Diana, Ronda Cress, Kasey Rogers... I hope I left no one out. <3
That's wonderful, Maureen. Fitbit sounds like an amazing companion. I'm not sure I would have gotten through this without my pets.
Yes, can see that. My friend Brunonia who has encouraged me in ways I’d thought most important, like writing, helped me see that my love of Fitbit and his of me would see us both through the many losses that we’d been facing. His love of me she said is a great gift.
Good for Fitbit!!🐕 Sometimes our pets really know when to step in!!
🐾Thank you. I am very grateful.
What a great name for a dog!
Thank you, Cheryl! Fitbit has times when he gets excited and runs around in circles. We got him very young because of this. He was being trained to be a service dog until one day when his puppy raiser didn’t want to take him with her as she was required to. She tied him up in her back yard and left him there. He manage to get loose and get out of the yard. He ran out into the street and was hit by a truck. Several surgeries later my partner and I were asked if we would like him for a pet. He was tiny, a tiny golden retriever puppy. He still has trouble walking, and when he does he pulls himself together and runs in circles. The little bitty puppy throws a fit! A happy one. There’s another part to the story but that can wait.
2021 was the worst ever year of my life not even counting covid. Because of the Texas Governments incompendence and their cronies, the Texas power grid failed when temp down to zero. My Sprinkler systems exploded in the ceiling of my condo destroying all contents (everything). The only thing that survived was a pair of bright orange neon tennis shoes. For nine months my dogs and I lived in and out of hotels, in the car, and with a friend with 5 cats. To hell with 2021.
The willfully malicious incompetence of Texas political leaders (Abbott, Cruz, Cornyn and pretty much the entire state legislature) is criminal. I'm sorry you went through all of it but glad it came out ok. 👇🏼
Malicious, incompetent, criminal, and in your face assholes, yep! that about describes Texas Government. TG kissing your uncle's butt makes it all around Fucked-up. I'm sad because I'm a 5th gen Texan and use to be proud of that fact.
I was fortunate in that I had good insurance. We now have a nice home and the dogs and I are happy. We're good. I do hope 2022 is better.
Gayle- sending you lots of good luck for 2022.
Ty, We all need it
I'm so sorry, Gayle. I live in Houston and that freeze was no joke, although I didn't suffer the ramifications you did. Sending wishes for all the best.
TY, What is NOT being talked about is 700 people died in that power outage and it is ERCOT's fault.
Wishing you a much better year!
TY, we all need a break
I sold my business and paid off my mortgage. In five months I’ll be fully retired and will start on my bucket list.
Incredible! Congratulations.
I got a new yellow lab puppy to take me on walks and have adventures with. I'm learning how to make a quilt, and picked up knitting again. You have to keep busy in order to keep your sanity!
A puppy, quilting, and knitting. Sounds like you've got it covered!
I believe the best thing over the last 18 months was watching Aussies practically turn back the clock during lockdown to learn healthy pastimes and games. People returned to reading; old fashioned board/card games; Lego and Meccano; jigsaw puzzles; learning handcrafts such as embroidery, carpentry, soap making...going for family walks and playing 'Count the Bears'; kids chalking colourful messages and flowers on the footpaths; a lot of people cleaned out and/or renovated and put what they longer needed on the verge for recycling by others...So many good things. I just hope we have learnt to hang onto these good lessons. Best and Blessings for the New Year, Mary, to you and yours.
That's a great point. A lot of people did try new things (like baking or crafts) and spend more time reading, playing games together. I hope we hang onto the good lessons, too. Happy New Year!
I hadn’t had a mammogram in three years. I’m a terrible procrastinator! In January I had an inkling that something was wrong so I made myself go in. Turns out I had breast cancer, but because we caught it so early, I had two surgeries and radiation and I’m all good now! We even got to go to Punta Cana with our daughter’s family between surgery and radiation. Even though life is crazy, I have so much to be grateful for. Here’s to wishing all of you a marvelous 2022!
Wonderful that it all turned out OK, Teresa and that you have so much to be grateful for. Happy New Year!
I wish you the very best in your recovery!
The birth of my precious Granddaughter. I now know a new level of love. ❤️
The best news.
I just read that Betty White died today. She was a trailblazer for her time, acting well into her 90s. I’ve been reading a book about feminist saints in history. I support women running for elected office. I emotionally support my female friends in everything they do, encouraging them to be true to themselves and be the person they want to be rather than taking on expectations of who others think they should be. It’s a hard road for many and that’s why women need to support other women. That’s been my focus for a number of years, but especially the last 2 years. It has been a very difficult couple years for most of us. My New Year’s resolutions are to further decrease my carbon footprint and to be kinder to those I don’t understand. I already donated my Keurig and bought a regular coffee pot because I couldn’t any longer think about all those plastic pods in our oceans. What I wish for 2022 is to see your uncle Donald in prison clothes along with his most horrendous sycophants. An end to Covid would be awesome, but I think the chances of that happening are nil. Be safe everyone!
We need more women--especially women of color--in leadership positions at all levels of government. Think what a difference that would make. Holding the criminals accountability will make even more difference in the short run. Orange jumpsuits all around.
So smart Joanne! I bought an old time percolator, coffee tastes so much better. All stainless steal no plastic, no copper. I agree with your wish for the year of 2022. But the whole Republican party need to grow a spine. My son hates this expression, however it's so approptiate, Republicans have become a butch of "weak little pukes".
I started a newsletter on curiosity, and then a much respected, massively influential author mentioned it in her newsletter - *twice*.
It was really wild.
No way! That's so cool.
The “good thing” about 2021 for me, was actually about appreciating the good in my life; those in-the-moment moments when I felt grateful for the love and joy in my life.
I feel the same way Eva. I feel so fortunate in my life in so many ways. I do have to admit that I continue to be saddened by the hate, racism, and lies that is so prevalent right now, but knowing that there is good too is what sustains me.
That's a great perspective, Eva. And not an easy one.
My liberal little niece finally got vaccinated in December, after trying to convince her Republican parents for a year now. Bonus, mom and stepdad got vaxxed, too. I'm so happy and profoundly relieved. Happy New Year, Mary, and hope it's a better one for all.
Fantastic! Happy New Year, Linda.
My daughter, who has a special needs child, has begun the process of adopting another special needs child they met, but who's in foster care now. I am amazed daily by the fact I raised such a wonderful child. Every child deserves love & she has a heart full of love to give.
I love this.
In a truly terrifying year, wherein our country went off the deep end, the best thing that happened to me was that i moved from GA to NY! It was a difficult move, because of timing and logistics, of course my age didn’t help, but I gathered up all our pets and miraculously found a house in the worst housing shortage our country has ever had, so for that I feel truly blessed. Now instead of being 15 hours away from my daughters I’m 15 minutes away, and that is a good thing! Good riddance 2021. Please 2022, be kinder.
PS: I am so glad 2021 restored intelligence, hope, and class back into the White House!
That's wonderful, Wendy. Glad it worked out.
Best thing that happened to me in 2021 was that I was able to receive vaccinations against a virus that had every intention of killing me. So here I still am, spending time with children and grandchildren.
I wish you and yours a very happy new year and may 2022 bring a thorough cleansing of insurrectionist from our lives.
I totally, agree Barbara. I have never been so grateful to be sick as I was when I got my two Pfizer shots and booster. Plus everybody I know staying healthy. I have the same hopes for 2022. Happy New Year.
Thank you. 🤗
As a musician, (singer, cellist, pianist), Covid stopped the music for a very long time. I am so grateful that the music came back this year, and so far I have avoided getting Covid and doing everything I can to avoid it.
Exactly, Wendy. Music and (here in NYC) Broadway and museums. Hope it continues. And I, too, will continue to do everything in my power not to get COVID.
I read Heather Cox Richardson's newsletters, became your fan, started longform epistolary relationships with some wonderful people, did some birding, pottery, and long walks as part of a personal respite. It helped reach some fellow humans in a more intimate, giving, and soulful way.
HCR is doing a real service and deserves all the recognition she can get.
I so miss writing letters and it's great you've started the again. All the rest sounds quite amazing, as well.
I also read HCR. I'm in awe of her knowledge and ability to explain.
HCR is a national treasure!
Getting to know YOU. I really appreciate your candid, intelligent insights into "trumpy" and how we can prepare to handle the cruelty that has been unleashed since Donald Trump began his political campaign in 2015.
Wow--thank you, Abraham! We've got a lot of work ahead of us but I really think we can all make a difference. Kindness > cruelty.
Some cherished memories I had in 2021 were the publication of my articles in a widely circulation newspaper after shying away too often that they may not be good enough for publication but they actually were.
Congratulations, Yunusa. Always believe in the value of your work.
Keep on!
My loved ones & myself all did the right thing and protected oursleves with vaccine shots, endured the isolation, and sometimes loneliness; but all-in-all, spirits remained high. This pandemic has taught me to practice gratitude every.damn.day!
Thank you for protecting yourselves and everyone else.
It is so important to be grateful.
Well, I’m thankful to be double vaxxed and boosted. That was a highlight of 2021 for me.
Same!
Great minds think alike! I admire your tenacity in pursuing and denouncing your uncle’s psychopathy.
2021. January 6th, I was working for a police department right across the river from The Siege, so the experience was horrifying for weeks. Seeing traitors walking back to their hotels from the metro all afternoon was enraging and sickening.
Also, in January, I had a routine pap after 3 years (OK after 60),
February, the results came back clear EXCEPT for being flagged for a possible viral type that can cause cancer.
March 22nd, called while at work with a diagnosis of Adenocarcinoma In Situ, needing a radical hysterectomy asap.
Couldn't even see the gyn oncological surgeon until May 12th.
Retired June 18 (deflated event, of course).
July 16th, modified radical hysterectomy, laparoscopically, by the BEST surgeon in the DMV. Biopsies of related organs: CLEAR!
Recovered, had movers remove most everything (economic move due to retirement) September, painters for 3 weeks, new carpet October, listed house.
No offers...UNTIL NEW YEAR'S EVE!
Signed the contract last night at 7.
A final, rational, wonderful way to end this terrible year <3
2021 was indeed a horrible year and I'm glad it ended on a positive not for you after everything you've been through. Stay well!
Greatly appreciated, Mary. I'm honored.
Thank you, Mary. Throughout all the challenges of the year's events, I feel my actions and words as an individual matter more than ever before in my long lifetime. Each of us has the awesome responsibility to care about others, keep ourselves, our families and others safe, and vote to save democracy. It is a profound power and one we should take very seriously.
That is a wonderful way to look at it, Marcy. Thanks for the perspective. It's important we all feel we have agency.
I wholeheartedly agree with you Marcy. We have to be more self-aware in our choices.
a working family don't have the financial luxury to think about how bad things are, just trying to survive day by day, is a full plate.
Best wishes for your one-day-at-a-time! I hope you find some little piece of happiness every day.
same for you
This past year has been harrowing for sure and as you said Mary time still has no meaning which is unnerving.
Here are some good things that happened to me this past year- my bank account has remained steady and I don't have to worry about money like I did for many years (long story), I got to see some friends in person after we got vaccinated and before the Delta wave hit (during the summer), my Mom and I were able to do some of what we would normally do together in person during non-COVID times throughout this year and because of the work I do I'm helping Illinois students learn about LGBTQ history since it's now a mandated curriculum for all K-12 public schools in the state (HB 246).
Also, I'm so glad we've gotten to know you Mary. Having your presence on the national scene has helped my mental state A LOT because you were able to say in your various media appearances, books, your podcast and this blog what we've been saying in our smaller circles about the state of this country and that has made me feel better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Onward to 2022, which hopefully has to be a better year.
My partner and I are in our 70's, I'm coasting to 80 and we survived Covid. We are vaccinated and boosted and always wear masks when out. The worst of 2021 was not just the insurrection itself, but the lack of prosecution for Trump and many of hs allies; I want him for treason and sedition. I truly believe, at this point, giving Garland the AG job because he didn't get the SCJ job was a huge mistake. Happy New Year Mary
I agree that accountability has to happen. If not our job will be that much harder.
I didn't kill anybody for not wearing a mask. There were a few verbal exchanges, however.
I admire your restraint. It's been very hard, hasn't it?
One was epic. She was wearing mask around her wrist, store owner asked her to put it on so she put it around her neck. Snap! We had a five minute shouting match and when she left, owner offered me a job as mask monitor. LOL I'm just exhausted from my life being controlled by stupid people. Monday we get a new mask mandate (finally!) and I expect I'll become a public nuisance again.
Our gandson was born. Our elderly dogs didn't die. And my 94-year-old vaxxed mother survived a bout with Covid.
Congratulations on all three counts, Lee!
Thank you so much, Mary!
I live in Alabama, (Rural SW) Pennsylvania, where I'm still seeing nasty flags and banners, especially in the yards of the coal barons. I survived by making a small vegetable garden, and making pickles and jellies. I'm a retired social worker, but volunteer my time. The stay at home gave me the time to do local historical research. I loved it. Your book was also a highlight of the year! Thank you for sharing.
I love it that you started a vegetable garden. It's been a good time to reconnect with the natural world. Thank you!
Mary, knowing you through print is a privilege. I've read your books, but I think saying I enjoyed them would be an oxymoron. LOL They were incredibly well written and thought provoking. The Reckoning was the best and most frightening book on history I have read. And my Mom and Grandmother were Holocaust survivors. You are an inspiration to so many that feel doomed coming from horrific families. Your Dad must have been a great man to have given the world a brilliant woman such as you. Hopefully, 2022 will usher in days that you no longer are embarrassed by your family name. You have changed the name to resilience, grace, and strength. Something all of us aspire to. Mazel tov.
Thank you, Bozena, that's so kind of you.
Whenever anybody tells me they enjoyed one of my books (especially the second one) I refer them for therapy. 😂
The burden of growing up in a family of Holocaust survivors is a heavy one and if I provided any inspiration at all I'm grateful.
My dad was a wonderful man--I wish I had known that when he was alive.
We were languishing in Michigan. We decided we needed an adventure, bought a house (unseen except through video call), and moved to Vermont in October. Best thing we could have done for ourselves. Even our dog is doing better. Saw my daughter-in-law and her mom for the first time in a couple years when they, and my son, came to visit the new house. None of us have had COVID and we are all 3-vaccined. Thank you for posting your insights.
What a bold leap--good for you! Sounds like the right move all the way around.