Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.
Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.
I KNOW! The disproportionate/unchecked hunger for sex so many men have absolutely baffles me. An evolutionary glitch? Deviant sexual behavior leads to ruined marriages, ruined lives, increased abortion seeking, deceit and broken hearts, children being sexually abused, STDs, and the list goes on (and on and on and on)
Sexual Violence is a serious global issue and threat. Instead too much attention is paid to banning Drag Queen Story Hour at libraries. Thank you for your reply.
@Vicki: See the book, Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. There was a lot of polyamory among our hunter-gatherer ancestors of both genders. It's not clear from the book exactly what this meant for women, but for men, to have progeny you had to have a powerfull desire for lots of sex, plus produce huge quantities of sperm. Human males have among the biggest penises of primates; among the biggest testicles, and the highest sperm production.
And I can tell you that desire drives adolescent boys and young, and even early middle-aged men crazy. My best friend and I--both born in the first half of the 1950s--have remarked to each other that it's somewhat of a relief to no longer have the crazy level of sex drive we had in our youth, into our middle age.
I have vivid memories of a day nearly 54 years ago. I was in my 11th grade English class, which I loved. The teacher was a mother figure to a lot of her students, including me, and she and the other students made the class very interesting and a lot of fun. But on this particular day, my gonads were preventing me from concentrating, try as I might. At some point I just gave up trying to take in the class. When the class was over, I made a beeline for the bathroom and did something I'd never done outside of my own bedroom, despite the embarrassment I felt at having to do that. But it was a major relief.
As I explained in my first paragraph, this crazy level of desire is evolutionary but it's not a glitch. nor does it normally lead to deviant sexual behavior, or sexual abuse of children.
There is a certain kind of sage the priests use to lower the level of testosterone. I was given some by a gardener at a Catholic convent about 20 years ago. I used it in my kitchen, not knowing it's effects. My elderly husband didn't mind it, but one day a lady friend with a well developed palette set me straight, saying it was definitely not normal cooking sage, so I did some research.
A lot of adolescent and young adult males could use that. My inner adolescent boy wants it! And I bet a lot of the younger priests found using it a big relief. Now, if course, at 71, I have absolutely no need for that, but I find myself intellectually fascinated by the fact that there is such a thing, and thinking
about how it could have relieved my cases of what my best friend and I referred to as being vapored. So thank you for that information!
In many ways, itтАЩs more challenging to be male. As far as the polyamory goes, I think the restriction on women having multiple partners started when men wanted legitimate male heirsтАжnot that that was a guarantee.
Please feel free to correct me. I just remember reading something about it years ago.
I don't think it's sex so much as power, or lording it over someone... belittling, shaming, blackmail material, the list goes on...and as society 'advances' the new twists are born.
It's never just SEX. It's a way to get the upper hand over someone else.
I realize that for some, it can be about power, but I've never viewed it that way, and I don't think any of my close friends have ever viewed it that way. It IS a very powerful drive though.
did you read my comment? It's now the third one under your comment.
Also, I have to tell you that the disproportionate hunger that most men have actually begins for many in adolescence. It's not an evolutionary glitch, which you will understand if you read my comment. And it does not necessarily go with deviant behavior such as child sexual abuse.
IтАЩm terrible about names, but believe Roy Baumeister is who wrote a sociological study of evil in which he said pretty much what you have, here.
I didnтАЩt read through the book, though hope I will someday. тАФ I believe that, somewhat alarmingly, he wrote male perpetrators of sexual violence do not think they have done anything wrong.
I think it's almost certainly true that many don't think they've done anything wrong. And that IS alarming. I think we'd have less of that if we took a more Scandinavian approach to adolescent sex. (In my family we were allowed to have lovers in our rooms with the doors closed. I was doing that in 12th grade.) In fact, my father chewed out some neighbor lady who'd gone in the back of our house to look in my windows.
I googled Baumeister. It looks like his papers are behind paywalls, but I didn't see anything that was exactly on point, although given what I did see, it wouldn't be surprising.
IтАЩm not with you in your remedy for sexual violence. ThatтАЩs all I want to say. FYI, Roy BaumeisterтАЩs book is entitled тАЬEvil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty.тАЭ I hope IтАЩll read it one day.
I didn't say that that would be a remedy for sexual violence, although I think it would reduce it. But to get rid of sexual violence, I think we need to expunge the notion that women are somehow not as good as men. As a child, I'd absorbed that notion to a degree, and at some point, when I expressed it, my parents told me in no uncertain terms that that was not the case. They had both come from backgrounds where women were respected on the same terms as men. My maternal grandmother had a PhD. My parents and their siblings had marriages of equality.
I don't have any children of my own, but I have a much younger sister, who I encouraged to be independent, to ask questions when she had them, and to feel that she was as good as boys. As a public health nurse, during the pandemic, she was in charge of getting everyone in Fairfax Virginia vaccinated.
My brother has a daughter. I used to take her on expeditions beginning when she was a little kid. When she was 7, I started taking her for flying lessons. Her first time, she did so well that the instructor gave her an extra take-off and landing. Years later, she told me she knew I'd done that to give her extra confidence, and that it had done so.
And one time, around when I was taking my niece for flying lessons, driving along I came upon a teenaged girl stuck by the side of the rode with a flat tire. I told her I could change it in 10-15 minutes for her, or I could tell her what to do, and let her do it, so that she could do it herself if she got another. She opted for the latter, and did a good job of it.
And I'm really PO'd that we couldn't elect a woman as president of our country.
And one of my long ago professors, a woman, now 85, just came out with a new book, and it really made me feel good. (I was in her class 50 years ago.) I emailed her, and congratulated her, and bought the book, which I am finding to be very interesting. Stolen Pride: Loss, Shame, and the Rise of the Right, by Arlie Russell Hochschild.
And I could go on in a similar vein about several of my elementary school teachers (all women). I learned so much from them.
Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.
Alice Harford: If you men only knew...
Eyes Wide Shut, movie 1999
I KNOW! The disproportionate/unchecked hunger for sex so many men have absolutely baffles me. An evolutionary glitch? Deviant sexual behavior leads to ruined marriages, ruined lives, increased abortion seeking, deceit and broken hearts, children being sexually abused, STDs, and the list goes on (and on and on and on)
Sexual Violence is a serious global issue and threat. Instead too much attention is paid to banning Drag Queen Story Hour at libraries. Thank you for your reply.
@Vicki: See the book, Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. There was a lot of polyamory among our hunter-gatherer ancestors of both genders. It's not clear from the book exactly what this meant for women, but for men, to have progeny you had to have a powerfull desire for lots of sex, plus produce huge quantities of sperm. Human males have among the biggest penises of primates; among the biggest testicles, and the highest sperm production.
And I can tell you that desire drives adolescent boys and young, and even early middle-aged men crazy. My best friend and I--both born in the first half of the 1950s--have remarked to each other that it's somewhat of a relief to no longer have the crazy level of sex drive we had in our youth, into our middle age.
I have vivid memories of a day nearly 54 years ago. I was in my 11th grade English class, which I loved. The teacher was a mother figure to a lot of her students, including me, and she and the other students made the class very interesting and a lot of fun. But on this particular day, my gonads were preventing me from concentrating, try as I might. At some point I just gave up trying to take in the class. When the class was over, I made a beeline for the bathroom and did something I'd never done outside of my own bedroom, despite the embarrassment I felt at having to do that. But it was a major relief.
As I explained in my first paragraph, this crazy level of desire is evolutionary but it's not a glitch. nor does it normally lead to deviant sexual behavior, or sexual abuse of children.
You were a normal kid and a brave man to share your personal life with us. Thank you.
Thank you for that, Gloria. I really appreciate it.
There is a certain kind of sage the priests use to lower the level of testosterone. I was given some by a gardener at a Catholic convent about 20 years ago. I used it in my kitchen, not knowing it's effects. My elderly husband didn't mind it, but one day a lady friend with a well developed palette set me straight, saying it was definitely not normal cooking sage, so I did some research.
A lot of adolescent and young adult males could use that. My inner adolescent boy wants it! And I bet a lot of the younger priests found using it a big relief. Now, if course, at 71, I have absolutely no need for that, but I find myself intellectually fascinated by the fact that there is such a thing, and thinking
about how it could have relieved my cases of what my best friend and I referred to as being vapored. So thank you for that information!
I love that book Sex at Dawn. Great recco
Thank you Bonnie. I'm upset with the political situation but you've given me a big smile.
In many ways, itтАЩs more challenging to be male. As far as the polyamory goes, I think the restriction on women having multiple partners started when men wanted legitimate male heirsтАжnot that that was a guarantee.
Please feel free to correct me. I just remember reading something about it years ago.
I don't think it's sex so much as power, or lording it over someone... belittling, shaming, blackmail material, the list goes on...and as society 'advances' the new twists are born.
It's never just SEX. It's a way to get the upper hand over someone else.
The cruelty is the point
I realize that for some, it can be about power, but I've never viewed it that way, and I don't think any of my close friends have ever viewed it that way. It IS a very powerful drive though.
did you read my comment? It's now the third one under your comment.
Also, I have to tell you that the disproportionate hunger that most men have actually begins for many in adolescence. It's not an evolutionary glitch, which you will understand if you read my comment. And it does not necessarily go with deviant behavior such as child sexual abuse.
IтАЩm terrible about names, but believe Roy Baumeister is who wrote a sociological study of evil in which he said pretty much what you have, here.
I didnтАЩt read through the book, though hope I will someday. тАФ I believe that, somewhat alarmingly, he wrote male perpetrators of sexual violence do not think they have done anything wrong.
I think it's almost certainly true that many don't think they've done anything wrong. And that IS alarming. I think we'd have less of that if we took a more Scandinavian approach to adolescent sex. (In my family we were allowed to have lovers in our rooms with the doors closed. I was doing that in 12th grade.) In fact, my father chewed out some neighbor lady who'd gone in the back of our house to look in my windows.
I googled Baumeister. It looks like his papers are behind paywalls, but I didn't see anything that was exactly on point, although given what I did see, it wouldn't be surprising.
IтАЩm not with you in your remedy for sexual violence. ThatтАЩs all I want to say. FYI, Roy BaumeisterтАЩs book is entitled тАЬEvil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty.тАЭ I hope IтАЩll read it one day.
I didn't say that that would be a remedy for sexual violence, although I think it would reduce it. But to get rid of sexual violence, I think we need to expunge the notion that women are somehow not as good as men. As a child, I'd absorbed that notion to a degree, and at some point, when I expressed it, my parents told me in no uncertain terms that that was not the case. They had both come from backgrounds where women were respected on the same terms as men. My maternal grandmother had a PhD. My parents and their siblings had marriages of equality.
I don't have any children of my own, but I have a much younger sister, who I encouraged to be independent, to ask questions when she had them, and to feel that she was as good as boys. As a public health nurse, during the pandemic, she was in charge of getting everyone in Fairfax Virginia vaccinated.
My brother has a daughter. I used to take her on expeditions beginning when she was a little kid. When she was 7, I started taking her for flying lessons. Her first time, she did so well that the instructor gave her an extra take-off and landing. Years later, she told me she knew I'd done that to give her extra confidence, and that it had done so.
And one time, around when I was taking my niece for flying lessons, driving along I came upon a teenaged girl stuck by the side of the rode with a flat tire. I told her I could change it in 10-15 minutes for her, or I could tell her what to do, and let her do it, so that she could do it herself if she got another. She opted for the latter, and did a good job of it.
And I'm really PO'd that we couldn't elect a woman as president of our country.
And one of my long ago professors, a woman, now 85, just came out with a new book, and it really made me feel good. (I was in her class 50 years ago.) I emailed her, and congratulated her, and bought the book, which I am finding to be very interesting. Stolen Pride: Loss, Shame, and the Rise of the Right, by Arlie Russell Hochschild.
And I could go on in a similar vein about several of my elementary school teachers (all women). I learned so much from them.